A psychotherapist has warned that the back to school routine this month will be especially hard for some children. For children with ADHD, autism, sensory sensitivities or trauma-related needs, the start of term can feel less like a fresh start and more like an emotional cliff edge, according to Gee Eltringham, child psychotherapist and founder of digital platform for ADHD caregivers, twigged.
Gee says the pressure to conform to routines, sit still, mask distress, or navigate complex social environments can become unbearable for some children, but there are ways to ease the transition, tools to reduce stress, build trust, and support children in feeling seen and safe.
Ten small but powerful things parents and caregivers can do in September
1. Silence isn’t golden
Avoiding the subject of school doesn’t make the anxiety go away. Begin talking gently about school two weeks before term begins. Mention it in passing at first, and increase frequency gradually.
2. Get curious
Use open-ended “I wonder…” questions to explore how your child feels:
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“I wonder what makes school tricky?”
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“I wonder which part of the day you like most?”
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“I wonder what helps you feel calmer at school?”
3. Solve problems together
Ask what your child might need to feel more comfortable in school:
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A quiet place to decompress during break
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Earplugs for noisy classrooms
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A trusted adult to meet them at the door to help with the transition
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A uniform that doesn’t itch or distract
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Being able to eat lunch somewhere other than the loud lunch hall
No issue is too small—some children struggle with something as specific as a ticking clock or a strong smell in the lunch hall.
4. Use inset days to prepare
Inset days may be for teachers but they can work for children too. Ask if your child can visit the school during this quieter time. Meet the teacher, see the classroom, walk through the timetable. For secondary pupils, try a gentle walk between classrooms to map the day out, meeting staff, reminding them of where they can go if they need to break all help to east day one nerves .
5. Ask for the timetable early
Knowing what to expect is a powerful anxiety-reducer. Ask the school to share your child’s timetable ahead of term. This can help you plan, and give your child space to process. There may be lessons that they find tricky and adaptions need to be made. Do they miss the lesson or the one before or afterwards to regain some energy, because missing a few periods is far better than missing out on education all together.
6. Confirm support measures
If your child has adjustments in place, check that they’re ready to go. For example:
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Can they leave the classroom if needed? Do they have a hall pass ready for the first day of term ?
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Is there a designated quiet space?
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Are uniform adaptations allowed?
If anything’s unclear, speak to the SENCO or headteacher before the first day.
7. Protect rest and recovery
The weekend before school starts and the first few weeks back will likely require extra downtime. Try not to overfill your child’s calendar. Keep evenings calm. Let them decompress without judgement.
8. Break the day into smaller chunks
Help your child think about the school day in manageable steps:
This approach can help lower the sense of overwhelm.
9. Reintroduce the uniform slowly
Hang up the school uniform a week before term so it becomes familiar. The day before school starts, ask your child to try it on gently and without pressure.
10. Reconnect socially, without pressure
Arrange a relaxed meet-up with classmates before term starts. A picnic in the park, a kickabout, or even a smoothie at the café can help ease social nerves. These moments benefit all children not just those with diagnosed needs.
Gee said: “It’s a difficult thought. But sometimes it needs to be asked. Is school just hard for your child or is it harming them? Mainstream education was designed during the industrial era to produce conformity: punctuality, obedience, repetition. The system has evolved, yes but not always enough to include or celebrate difference.
“Many children manage to survive school by masking their distress. Others break down entirely. Not every child thrives in a classroom of 30 with fluorescent lights and a rigid timetable. And not every family finds the answer in the mainstream.
“Alternative provisions, flexible timetables, and home education are all valid choices when made with care. What matters most is your child’s wellbeing and your right to explore what works because a child that feels safe , will be able to learn.
“The return to school doesn’t have to be perfect. It only needs to be gentler, calmer, and more considered. With curiosity, preparation, and compassion, families can make the shift into September feel safer for everyone. Because in the end, it’s not about ‘getting back to normal’, it’s about finding a path that works for your child, and for you.”
