A 40-year-old mum says losing her kids to a ketamine addiction made her a better parent and now credits part time motherhood for saving her life
A woman has disclosed how becoming a ‘part-time parent’ has transformed her into a superior mother – after the pressures of full-time child-rearing drove her to ketamine dependency.
Victoria Vigors had been a dedicated, round-the-clock mum, but ultimately had to separate from her two youngsters when she became unsuitable to care for them.
The 40-year-old had grown dependent on micro-dosing the class B substance to cope with daily life, an addiction that cost her £40,000. Her son, then aged 10, and daughter, just three at the time, were removed from her custody to live with their respective fathers – a devastating wake-up call for the mother.
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Yet remarkably, Victoria describes this as the “best thing that ever happened” to her – triggering her recovery and enabling her to care for them exclusively on a part-time arrangement, encompassing weekends and school breaks. Whilst she previously centred her existence around nurturing and home-educating her children, she now insists she’s a far superior parent.
“I’m able to be the best version of myself now, and be the mum I always wanted to be – but felt like I couldn’t be without drugs,” Victoria, a content creator from Kent, told NeedToKnow. “Because I have so much more freedom, I spend time planning at least one memory-making activity every time I see the kids.
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“Our first Christmas back together, we went on the Polar Express train. I’ve also taken them to see Lion King on the West End, and stayed at Alton Towers and Legoland twice each. We’ve been on holiday to Lanzarote, we go go-karting, do laser tag, and spend days at the beach.
“But the most important thing is that we have quality time together – whenever they want me to play with them, I’m playing.” Victoria said, “I watch every cartwheel, every jump on the trampoline, and clap. I cheer for them at every school event.”
Victoria also went to explain she puts her all in it – with all the energy and enthusiasm ‘a mum should bring’ which she know realises “is the great gift of all – for her and her children.”
“In the end, my children being taken away turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.” After battling to manage the pressures of raising children and home education during the Covid 19 lockdown, Victoria progressed from sipping a glass of wine to micro-dosing the substance, consuming tiny quantities called “bumps” regularly throughout the day to prevent becoming overly intoxicated.
Whilst she at first discovered it lifted her spirits and made life appear more bearable, Victoria quickly descended into a frightening dependency, requiring increasingly frequent “bumps” to get by. The dependency was sparked by the stresses of motherhood, she reckons.
During this period, Victoria reveals how she felt so alone, isolated and not able to be a good mother to her children. “Both of the kids’ dads were key workers during lockdown and couldn’t have them on the weekends, so I was looking after them 24/7, living in a flat with no garden or balcony, and trying to juggle their very different needs due to their age difference.
“It all just got too much and I felt like I couldn’t cope,” she said. “It seemed like all the other mums were coping well and had support, and I felt like a complete failure.”
She described her initial experience with ketamine as an “instant antidepressant” without the negative side effects of alcohol – but problems soon began to surface, with Victoria experiencing chronic pain due to the drug.
“Some days I couldn’t even stand up, so I’d be parenting from bed – which was ridiculous and unfair on my children.” She confessed this severely impacted her ability to parent effectively.
“I’d be snappy and have little patience and I couldn’t cook them proper meals – I’d just order takeaways like McDonald’s, KFC or a Chinese,” she explained. It got to the point where she’d have to ask their dad to pick them up because she was in so much pain.
Despite her children “never witnessing anything they shouldn’t”, by 2021 Victoria was shelling out £500 a week on the drug, funding her addiction with her savings, and was frequently hospitalised 12 times due to the pain – with hospital pain relief not making a dent due to her high tolerance for drugs.
In October of that year, she finally admitted her addiction to doctors, leading to the courts stepping in and removing her children from her care. Victoria was barred from having contact with her son and daughter for four months while she fought for sobriety.
“It was absolutely devastating. It was like my world had come crashing down, and I had no idea how I would get through it.”
As she battled for sobriety, Victoria experienced a breakthrough. She revealed: “Going to therapy helped me realise that I had lost my identity after becoming a mum. “I knew I’d eventually be able to get them back, but I didn’t want to slip back into my old ways and make the same mistakes,” she said,. “Having them full-time was too much for me, and wouldn’t work if I wanted to stay in recovery.
“I had to put them and myself – first,” Victoria said. The children had to move to a new school and home, and she didn’t want to cause further disruption to their lives but in the end, it was decided that Victoria would have the children on weekends and during school holidays – as well as having open access to them at any other time.
Now, she and her children are rebuilding their bond, creating fresh memories and cherishing their moments together and it has resulted in Victoria feeling thankful for her struggle. “I needed to get to rock bottom in order to claw my way back up,” she said
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