She always gives me presents and money, but never to my brothers
Dear Coleen
I have a grandmother who’s on her own now since my granddad passed away a few years ago. I’m in my thirties and married with two young children and, although we’re doing OK, we don’t have a lot of spare cash.
My grandmother has always been so generous to me and my family, sending wonderful presents at Christmas, Easter and birthdays. She also sends money just for me and last year booked theatre tickets for my husband and I, and has said she wants to help with our summer holiday this year.
My problem is, I feel guilty about accepting these gifts. I have two brothers and I know she doesn’t do the same for them, as she hinted as much.
I suppose I’ve always been her favourite and spent lots of time with her when I was a child, having sleepovers and days out. I also don’t know her financial situation and whether she can afford to be so generous, but maybe she feels she can’t stop!
I’m not sure what to do. I would hate for her to feel upset if I turned down these gifts but, equally, I don’t want her to feel she has to keep giving them. I’d also hate my brothers to find out. Please help.
Coleen says
In my opinion, she does it because she wants to do it and wants to still feel part of your lives. It’s her money to do
with as she pleases and if she wants to treat you and it brings her a joy to see you happy, then I don’t see what’s wrong with that.
As far as your brothers go, maybe she doesn’t feel they’ve been there for her the way you have or she feels the two of you have a special relationship. But, to be honest, if they did have an issue with it, it’s their problem, not yours.
You could mention to your gran that while you appreciate her generosity, it won’t make you love her any less if she decides she can’t afford to give as much going forward. But I bet she says she wants to.
My sister Linda is so generous with all her nieces and nephews – she has no kids of her own and her husband passed away, so I know it gives her a lot of pleasure.
At this point in her life, your gran probably doesn’t need to spend much on herself and what she likes is helping you, so I wouldn’t feel too guilty, although I think it’s lovely that you don’t want to take it for granted. If it makes you feel better, have that conversation, so you know your gran doesn’t feel under any pressure.
