A woman has admitted she doesn’t love her first child as much as the second and said the empty feeling it leaves her with is “horrendous” – but other parents had some helpful advice
A woman has admitted she “loves one child and not the other” and was left feeling “horrendous” after realising she had a preference.
The troubled parent took to a Mumsnet forum and confessed she didn’t love her firstborn as much as the second. Other forum users weighed in on the heartbreaking issue as the mum came to terms with the “horrible floodgate” the birth of her second child had brought.
The anonymous user admitted they even rang their GP over the issue but put the phone down before they could get through. The woman’s post read: “God help me but I love one child and not the other. And once I’ve admitted it to myself with the caveat of ‘I love my child but…’ it’s been like a horrible floodgate.”
The post continued: “I don’t think I do love him and I feel horrendous about it. He didn’t choose to be born to me and I just didn’t know I wouldn’t love him. Everyone says that you love your own child and I thought I did and then I had another and I realised how different the feelings I have are.
“I once rang my GP but I put the phone down as I just don’t know what to say. Feel like I’m going to f*** then both up.”
Some users suggested the woman could be suffering from postnatal depression. One wrote: “I’m sure I’ll be the first of many to say this could be PND.”
Another suggested: “Your first born can bring up childhood trauma or attachment difficulties too which can interfere with the bonding too. Post natal depression can get in the way too.”
They added: “Don’t worry. This isn’t uncommon. It’s so brave to admit it to yourself. You can work on it. Can you afford therapy? If there were any stresses or difficulties in the pregnancy, birth or first couple of years, it can really interfere with the bonding. Therapy can help. Don’t beat yourself up. You can’t help it. But now you’ve noticed it, it is your responsibility to work on it. That’s all you can do lovely.”
