A woman was left miffed when she and her partner were sorting out their estates, only to realise that if her partner died, she’d receive nothing – however, his ex-wife would
If you were in a relationship with someone for three years but found out their ex was set to inherit everything if they died, what would you do?
Getting your will in order is really important so that when you do pass, things can be given out fairly and to your exact wishes. But when one woman and her partner were writing theirs, she noticed some major inequalities – and some even labelled them as “red flags”.
She explained: “He is quite wealthy and I am financially independent – as much as I can be. Obviously, I have my own job and support myself, I don’t ‘need’ anyone.”
Her partner, who has two kids, suggested that they move in together, but she was a bit concerned as she knew their financial positions were different. She took to Mumsnet to write: “He can buy a place outright if he wants to. Whilst I can indeed put down a nice deposit, the places we have in mind are different due to our budgets. I said if we were to go 50/50, it would have to accommodate my budget – which isn’t millions, but it’s enough for a nice place.
“In tandem, he was estate planning (as was I). Everything is going to his ex and his children. He is divorced – and has been for five years. We met one and a half years after his divorce. I asked if there was a financial order in his divorce and if everything was actually finalised. I asked this multiple times to be sure. He said yes. His ex is VERY well taken care of. (Talking many many many millions).
“Of course, I do think his children should inherit, but everything I have will be going to him whereas it is not reciprocal at all. When I asked about practical things like where I should locate the paperwork in the event of something happening (as he knows where my paperwork is), his response was: ‘Oh, Jane will know and will take care of that! She will know how to handle everything.’
“It’s become really awkward to talk about as I feel like a ‘gold digger’ if I ask about what the situation will be, certainly if we live together. I would expect to be on the deed of the house – as I, of course, will be paying for it too, but obviously I can’t risk being homeless in the event of something going badly wrong. Each time I’ve broached the topic, he evades talking about it.”
In the comments, people said that his behaviour was a “red flag”, writing: “I think this red flag is big enough to halt moving in together. He evades the question. That’s not good.” Another added: “Leaving money to his kids is totally understandable and expected, but his EX wife?”
Someone shared: “All his money should go to his children. If I were you, I would not leave your money to him. You haven’t been going out that long. Surely you would leave it to a family member.”
Another Mumsnetter said: “Well you don’t have to leave everything to him. He’s financially well off, you don’t have children together so I’d leave it to a family member or even just a charity of your choosing. If you want to continue with the relationship and buy a place together, you could get a property that is tenants in common and in his will you have a lifetime share in the property.
“If he does before you, you have a right to remain in that house until you sell or move at which point his half would go back to the beneficiaries of his estate. It could be reciprocal so he has a right to remain in the property should you die and then when he sells or dies, your half would come to your beneficiaries. Why did they divorce? It seems odd to be so keen to take care of his ex-wife and that she will manage the estate on his passing.”
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