A man has expressed his ‘frustration’ over his girlfriend’s lack of desire to sleep with him after they welcomed their child – as she’s even told him to see someone else
Life changes when you have a baby.
Journeying into parenting is no easy task, and several areas of your life must change as you adjust to your new normal. Some parents will find they don’t get out to see their friends as often or have to give up certain hobbies they just don’t have time for now that they have a baby.
But one man has found that having a baby has changed his relationship in a way he didn’t expect – as his girlfriend no longer wants to have sex with him. The man became a dad three months ago, and while he is ready to jump into bed with his partner again, she hasn’t given him “any hints” that she feels the same.
To his credit, the man has insisted he doesn’t want to “go overboard” and make his feelings known to his girlfriend as he doesn’t want to make her feel “pressured”. However, that hasn’t stopped him from feeling “sexually frustrated” and unsure how to approach the subject with his partner.
In a post on Mumsnet, he said: “Long story short, the birth went smoothly, she healed well and the baby is three months now. The first time we tried sex slowly went well so I assumed we were back to normal, [but] since this attempt, she hasn’t tried to give me any hint and I don’t want to go overboard with hints as it will make her feel pressured. The baby is next to her and she stays dressed the entire night, which is a clear sign that no play will happen.
“I am sexually frustrated. I do work full time and I try to help as much as possible when I get home to allow her to wash and relax, but it’s not helping. I have talked about it a bit but it’s a subject that may affect someone [negatively] at this stage so I have been careful to just mention it in a playful way, but still nothing.”
What’s more, the man admitted his girlfriend has always had a “low” sex drive and has even told him in the past to seek out someone else to keep him satisfied – but he has refused to do so.
He explained: “My partner’s sex drive has always been low and she even suggested early on that I was free to bring someone into the relationship sexually just to fulfil the missing part. I always found it off because I just take monogamy seriously.”
Commenters on the post were quick to tell the new dad that three months is “nothing” after giving birth, and his girlfriend will still need more time before she’s up to the task. They encouraged him to be “patient” with his partner, give her the support she needs, and be open and honest with her about how he’s feeling.
One person said: “Three months is nothing post-birth. Stop being so impatient.” While another added: “You give it time and be understanding. You work as a team and raise this family you have made. You need to understand that your partner will feel different physically and mentally.”
A third also wrote: “I would try raising the question about how she’s feeling about intimacy right now in a non-confrontational way. Keeping the lines of communication open and being honest with each other about your feelings is key to any marriage, and you definitely want to strengthen your marriage now you have a baby. It’s okay for her not to be ready to resume sex. It’s okay for you to miss sex. Talk to each other.”
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