Dawn Baxter never dreamed that she’d have anything in common with Anne Hathaway.
One is a Hollywood A lister, who at 41 is lighting up the world’s red carpets. The other is a 56-year-old lawyer, fighting against deaf discrimination from her home in Guildford, Surrey.
But, despite living 5,500 miles apart, their lives mirror each other in one significant way. They both have a big age gap with the men on their arms.
In her new movie, The Idea of You, Anne plays Solene, a 40-year-old who falls for a 24-year-old pop star called Hayes.
Fans of the age-gap romance, an adaptation of Robinne Lee’s bestselling novel, are thrilled. Finally, here’s an older woman and younger guy in love and having an amazing time in bed together. Why on earth has it taken so long?
Dawn, 56, sitting beside her partner Anthony, 33, says: “No one bats an eyelid when there’s an older guy and his young girlfriend. But when it’s switched the message comes out loud and clear – this will never work. We’re proving them wrong.”
Like Anne’s character, Dawn was a divorcee when she met Anthony. “In January 2021 my life was in tatters. After being unhappily married for 30 years my confidence was on the floor. At 53, I was having to start my life all over again.”
Her sister offered her the unoccupied room in a house she was renting out.
Anthony Smith, a 30-year-old commercial electrician and part-time model, was already living in the other room.
Dawn says: “I was a literal wreck. It was all I could do to drag myself to work and back. I threw on whatever clothes I could find that were clean, I must have looked a state.
“I didn’t look or act like you would if you were going on a date. There were no airs and graces. We both said and did what we wanted. I was just totally myself, and so was he.”
Her girlfriends, anxious to help her to be happy, encouraged Dawn to write a list of things she wanted in a man, then said she could join an online dating website.
“They were such good friends that I played along. I mentioned a tall man who could dance, who went to church and looked like a Viking. But the very last thing I was looking for was a man.”
And yet something strange was happening at home.
“As I got to know Anthony, who was very handsome, I realised what a lovely, kind man he was,” says Dawn. “Suddenly there was an electricity between us. I felt it when our hands accidentally touched. I was shocked at how strong the attraction was.”
For Dawn, the sexual attraction was complicated. “Those feelings of attraction were scary for me, I’d never experienced them before. My ex-husband had been older than me, and I’d had very little experience with intimacy or passion. Suddenly I was feeling these waves of desire and didn’t know how to handle them. Part of me wanted to act on them. But I was frightened, I had no idea what would happen if I did.”
And when Anthony knocked on her bedroom door one evening, Dawn panicked.
“I knew almost nothing about sex. I was like a 53-year-old virgin. What could I possibly do with a man 23 years younger? But I heard myself call, ‘Come in.’”
Despite her nerves, Dawn explained to Anthony that she really didn’t know anything about sex.
“He wasn’t fazed at all,” she remembers. “He even volunteered to be my teacher. Seeing his response, how kind he was and how unbothered he felt about my inexperience was incredible.
“Knowing that he wasn’t judging gave me the space to be honest in bed, to ask questions and to explore things together. That’s when I fell in love with sex.
“It felt like I was having a second chance at desire after all these years.”
Then something totally unexpected happened.
“I hadn’t just fallen in lust with Anthony. I was falling in love with him. I couldn’t believe it when he said that he was feeling the same way,” she says.
“But I’d look in the mirror and think, ‘I’m 54 and he’s 31. Surely one day soon he’s going to be attracted to someone of 25? How can we possibly have a future?
“He explained that it didn’t bother him at all. That he’d dated older women before and when it comes to a successful relationship, the most important thing is that someone makes him happy.’
“I still couldn’t believe that he wanted me. But in his eyes, I was gorgeous and sexy. And as the months went by our love grew.”
Unlike Solene and Hayes, Dawn and Anthony’s relationship wasn’t unveiled in a flurry of flashbulbs, but as people realised they were a couple, they had to navigate their “varied” reactions.
Dawn says: “My female friends were thrilled. Here I was, living with this gorgeous thirty-something man, having all this incredible sex and falling in love. They just said, ‘Good for you Dawn, fill your boots!”
But she saw confusion and sometimes pity flit across men’s faces.
“It was obvious that they thought, ‘poor Anthony, he’s with someone as old as his mum. He should be going out with someone the age of a daughter.’ That was hard to see,” she admits.
“Builders in the house would say to Anthony ‘can you just ask your mum?’ Out at dinner I’d sense people on other tables looking, trying to work out exactly what kind of relationship we had.
“Anthony picked up on it too, but he just leaned over to me with a smile and said, ‘give me a kiss’. The fact that he was so comfortable with the world knowing we were a couple was amazing. It gave me so much confidence.”
Thankfully Dawn’s sons, who are aged between 28 and 31, were supportive – like Solene’s teenage daughter Izzy in the Idea of You.
“When Anthony held my hand or brushed his fingers through my hair, my middle son would smile and say ‘Mum, I’m just so pleased for you. I’ve never seen somebody loving and appreciating you before. I’ve never seen you so happy and it fills my heart with joy.’
“His reaction meant everything. Being with Anthony just lit me up, and everyone could see it.” she says.
“We loved hanging out with friends around the fire pit. Or loading up the car on a Friday night, waking up somewhere new on Saturday morning and having an adventure. Our ages meant nothing.
“Anthony was clear from the start that he didn’t want to be a father. Just to make absolutely sure I went to my GP to check. Hearing that I definitely couldn’t conceive at 53 was a big relief for both of us!”
Unlike Solene and Hayes, where the pressure and judgement drove them apart, the couple have been happy together for three years.
“I still have my worries,” Dawn admits. “Right now, I look reasonably okay. But in five or ten years I’m going to look my age – and is Anthony going to still desire me then?
“I’ve been on an amazing journey – from fear and uncertainty to the joy and celebration of what it means to be a woman.
“I want to share our story to show that love doesn’t have barriers. That if you’re an older woman and you’re attracted to a younger man – who is also attracted to you – you shouldn’t let the age difference put you off.”
At the end of The Idea of You (spoiler alert!) the separated couple get their second chance. But Dawn doesn’t have to wait for her happy ending.
She says: “I want other women to know that whatever their age, it can happen for them, too. Real love, however it appears, can change your life.’
Anthony Smith says: “ Our age gap has never bothered me. The thing that first attracted me to Dawn was her personality.
“I could tell her anything and never feel like I was being judged. That emotional intimacy was such an attractive thing, and the sexual chemistry grew from that.
“As for the sex, it didn’t worry me that Dawn wasn’t experienced. I knew enough and was happy to share that knowledge with her. There’s no embarrassment between us when it comes to the bedroom.
“The comments, judgements or raised eyebrows from other people don’t bother me at all. To me Dawn is just an incredible woman, and the right woman for me.”
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