Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan has some advice for a reader who has felt trapped in a marriage by her control freak husband and has thought about going through with an affair
Dear Coleen
Is it ever OK to have an affair? I’m a woman in my early forties and I’ve been in an awful marriage for 12 years.
Thankfully, we don’t have any children. My husband is a control freak – it’s his way or the highway – and I’ve gone along with it for the most part to keep the peace and because getting out of the marriage would be complicated.
We run a business together, so breaking up the marriage would inevitably break up the business and it’s our livelihoods at stake. We’ve worked hard for years to build it up and it’s finally starting to pay off.
I’ve met someone else I really like who’s single and he’s made it clear he’s interested in more than friendship. He’s a client (although my husband has never met him) and whenever we see each other, there’s a lot of flirting and sexual chemistry.
When I’m around him, I feel like myself again and full of life, then I go back home where the atmosphere is so joyless.
Please give me some advice – I’m at a point where I need to make a change for my sanity.
Coleen says
What’s the point of having an affair when you know what you really need to do is leave your marriage?
Trust me, you will get found out (even if you think you won’t) and then the situation is even more complicated. So, my advice is, prioritise leaving the marriage. Investigate separating the business side of things from the personal.
It might be difficult, but doable, so the business is able to continue. Maybe when he’s in the office, you work from home or there might be some tasks you can delegate to other people, so the time you spend together is minimal.
Or, maybe it’s a case of one of you buying the other out. If you stay in your marriage, it’ll become more and more unbearable and the risk of falling into an affair with this guy will be high. From what you’ve said, you’ve been unhappy for a long time, so start to take control of it.
An affair might make you feel better in the short term, but not in the long term. It’ll add to the stress you’re already feeling and your marriage will still be there, waiting for you at home and waiting to be sorted out.
