While everyone might have their own definition of what makes a good marriage, there’s a common factor often seen in successful relationships
Strong relationships are often built on friendships, but according to a Harvard professor, friendship should actually be the primary goal of marriage. According to Arthur Brooks, a PhD social scientist, professor at Harvard University, and bestselling author, friendship is one of the most important things needed for a successful and lasting relationship.
Appearing on The Peter Attia Drive podcast, the expert explained why your partner should be a best friend to you. “One of the most important things for a happy life is a partnership with somebody who will be the last person who you set eyes on as you take your last dying breath…” he said.
“The goal of your marriage is not passion, it’s friendship. This is the goal, you must be close friends, ideally best friends, with your spouse.” Of course, many people prize traits such as loyalty and kindness in their significant others, and no two relationships are the same.
However, there are often common factors shared between relationships that go the distance, and Arthur said loneliness could be a telltale sign that partners will end up separating.
The expert claimed: “One of the greatest predictors of divorce is partners who are lonely while living together.” He said this can lead to some couples not having anything in common, except for their children, but he recommends people take steps to explore interests together.
“There’s got to be something bigger than ‘Did you change his diaper?’ because that’s not going to be something you have in common forever and you’re going to be lonely in your relationship,” he advised.
As the Professor acknowledged, “Loneliness is not the same thing as solitude.” He explained that we all need solitude, and people will need different levels of solitude. That said, he emphasised the importance of friendship both for people who are in a relationship and those who are not.
Building strong relationships is not only beneficial for our mental health but also our physical health. NHS England explains: “Social wellbeing evidence shows that having good-quality relationships can help us to live longer and happier lives with fewer mental health problems.
“Having close, positive relationships can give us a purpose and sense of belonging. Loneliness and isolation remain the key predictors for poor psychological and physical health. Having a lack of good relationships and long-term feelings of loneliness have been shown by a range of studies to be associated with higher rates of mortality, poor physical health outcomes and lower life satisfaction.”
The NHS offers guidance for anyone dealing with loneliness, explaining that it can affect anyone and there may be no obvious cause. The advice says: “We’re all affected by loneliness at times in our lives. We can feel lonely in a busy city or rural location, on social media or spending time on our own or with others. Try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed if you do.
“Sometimes admitting we feel lonely can be hard. It’s important to remember that lots of people experience similar feelings of loneliness, and that they can pass. Understanding our own reasons for feeling lonely can help identify and manage these feelings.”
