Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader feeling threatened by her boyfriend’s ex-fling, and she’s worried he’s being naive about this girl’s intentions
Dear Coleen,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four months and we’ve both just finished our second year at the same university. Everything was going really well until I spent a week with him at his parents’ house where he grew up and we hung out with his old schoolfriends, who were also home for the holidays.
I got on well with all of them apart from one girl, who was rude. She was cold and standoffish, and made a few snide remarks in response to things I said in conversation.
I felt embarrassed and also quite shocked that she’d taken such a dislike to me, as I’ve never had that reaction from anyone before.
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It turned out that she’d been sleeping with my boyfriend right up until he started going out with me. They’ve had a kind of friends with benefits relationship over the past couple of years, hooking up during the holidays.
My boyfriend said they were just friends now and their relationship had only ever been about sex, never romantic or serious. He said he was amazed she even wanted to sleep with him, as she’s never been short of guys desperate to date her. She is undeniably pretty.
I don’t trust her, though, and think my boyfriend is naive. I know she contacts him a lot and I’m sure she wants a proper relationship with him, but he can’t see it. Any tips?
Coleen says
You’re finding your feet in this new relationship and getting to know each other better, so I get why this has thrown you off kilter. You probably have a few questions about how much of a threat this girl is and if their relationship was as trivial as your boyfriend is making out.
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However, I think you should have more confidence. He’s dating you and he’s introduced you to his parents and his friends, which shows how important you are. People don’t do that if they’re not invested.
He’s obviously excited to show you off and wants you to get to know other important people in his life.
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Maybe she is a bit jealous or has deeper feelings for him, but those are her issues – don’t let her behaviour derail you.
If you see her again and she’s rude to you, then be assertive and call her out on it. My guess is that she’ll think twice about how she speaks to you in future.
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