A man has admitted to ‘hating’ his almost two-year-old daughter and blames her for ‘ruining his marriage’ – but social media users believe he may be suffering from PPD
A man is desperately seeking advice after admitting he “hates” his baby girl and wishes he never had children. Stating he ‘wasn’t big on having kids’ in the first place, he says he gave in to the idea as his wife really wanted them in their lives.
However, he says he is now struggling to come to terms with parenthood, claiming it has destroyed his marriage and his mental health. In search for advice, he said on Reddit: “My wife and I had our first daughter last year. She’s getting close to two now and she has destroyed our marriage. I wasn’t big into having kids but my wife did so I gave in.
“I thought I might grow into the father role but I didn’t. I hate being a dad. I dread having to come home and take care of her. I wouldn’t really say I feel any sense of warmth when I hold her, I just feel dread. I really hate the baby and fatherhood in general.”
He says he has been struggling to sleep at night due to the baby’s crying – and says his wife no longer has time for him because she “devotes every single hour” to their daughter. She added: “We barely do anything anymore that doesn’t involve taking care of the kid. She’s obsessed with the kid.
“All she talks about is the baby 24/7. I’m seriously thinking of leaving. My mental health has nosedived over the past two years and I don’t think I can take all the responsibility. Has anybody been in a similar situation? Does it get better as the kid gets older?”
While most users urged him to speak to a councillor, others claim he could be suffering from PPD (postpartum depression). One user said: “I know it’s possible for men to get PPD as well, I’m sure the fact that you didn’t want to be a father isn’t helping the situation. I would recommend talking to someone first and foremost about the nosedive to your mental health.
“Have you had this conversation with your wife? If not you should let her know you’re struggling with this, you guys need time for each other too without the baby. See if she can have someone take your child for the weekend and rekindle things between yourselves. Sometimes I’m scared I will be in the same situation as a wife though.
“I’ve never wanted kids, my husband wanted one. I ended up getting pregnant and every day I get more and more scared about our child being here and my mental health has nosedived as well. I’m scared I’ll be a terrible mother. I have one month left before my child is here so I can’t really tell you if it gets better since I haven’t even given birth yet. But it’s never a bad idea to talk to a therapist to get to the root of the problems.”
Another user added: “This is the perfect example of why people shouldn’t be together when you have different views on having kids. She wanted them you didn’t. You gave in and had one and now you resent it. This situation never pans out. If you didn’t want kids you should have stuck to that, now this kid is going to feel the resentment all its life.”
A third user said: “I’d strongly encourage therapy and to learn how to be a dad. You brought a kid into this world and the damage it does to them growing up knowing their dad didn’t want them can cause lifelong problems. She’s still little. It gets better. Find ways to connect with your wife. Schedule date nights and get a sitter. Maybe try to embrace it and lean into it instead of running away.”
For emotional support you can call Association for Post Natal Illness (APNI) – helpline on 020 7386 0868 (10am to 2pm, Monday to Friday) or email [email protected].
Alternatively, you can contact the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
