For years Ellisha Blake didn’t really understand what was wrong. Every two weeks before her period she suffered from a strange sensation that she was alone in a dark room.
“I struggled with extreme isolation, fear and emotional turmoil. Honestly it was terrifying,” says the 28-year-old Londoner. “You feel like you don’t want to be here, and you’re scared you might do something you’ll regret. It’s not just mood swings. It’s like a dark cloud takes over your whole world.”
She suffered intense and shattering emotional and physical symptoms for a fortnight every month. Then, just two years ago, her doctor diagnosed her with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome.
It is a hormone-based mood disorder that affects millions, but diagnosis remains rare and misunderstood. And it has recently become more well-known after TV personality Vicky Pattison revealed she suffers from the condition.
Last month former Geordie Shore star Vicky, 37, said she recently had a terrifying episode which left her “not knowing what she was capable of”.
Ellisha, who is an actor, theatre school manager and content creator, says: “Before the diagnosis, it completely consumed me. I couldn’t work, socialise or even go out in the weeks before my period. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and it was debilitating.
“My friends couldn’t understand why I didn’t reply to texts or never wanted to see them and my boyfriend Dillon didn’t know why I kept wanting to split up with him. And the pain can be extreme. It feels like dragging around rocks; you feel so heavy and as if you’re carrying the world on your shoulders. My pelvic joints felt bruised and would ache constantly in my luteal phase.
“My body feels so sore and heavy that just getting up and making a cup of tea made me want to cry. I can sob like I’m mourning someone and the anxiety is crippling. And the suicidal thoughts; they’re very real, and absolutely terrifying. It affects every part of your life.”
After years of struggling, it was a leap of faith on social media that finally changed everything. Knowing nobody else with the fairly common condition, Ellisha started posting about it online in 2023 to raise awareness.
“That changed everything. Within weeks, I’d met with Lina Chan, the director of women’s health at Holland & Barrett. Then I was featured on Radio 1. It was mad,” she says.
Posting as Ellisha the PMDD girlie, Ellisha takes a no-holds-barred approach to all things periods, hormones and mental health. Armed with her diagnosis, Ellisha tried to take steps to alleviate the crippling symptoms.
“I was originally offered antidepressants and the pill,” she says. “But I’d had an awful experience with the pill, so I didn’t want to go down that route again. I said ‘yes’ to the antidepressants, but I never actually picked them up. I just knew it would be masking something deeper.”
So she tried supplements and, following an online consultation through Holland & Barrett, she started taking natural remedies: “Within a few months, my life changed. For the first time ever, I could actually live before my period. It was incredible. Unfortunately, my body did get used to them eventually and the symptoms came back after a few months, but they gave me a starting point.”
She now swears by a specialist supplement brand called Evelyn: “They’re focused entirely on PMDD and I honestly believe they’re the first of their kind. I swear by them.”
Ellisha’s management plan now includes EMDR therapy, nervous system support, lifestyle changes and building a better understanding with those closest to her: “I’ve really learned to communicate with the people around me – especially when I’m not in my luteal phase, the second half of my menstrual cycle – telling them what I need and how they can support me has been a real game-changer.”
But the hardest parts of PMDD still linger: “I get really bad body dysmorphia during my luteal phase. I’ll look in the mirror and think I’m ugly, overweight, disgusting. I don’t want to leave the house, even though rationally I know that’s not how I look. And then I shut down and isolate myself. My friends worry. They don’t understand what’s going on.”
And the impact on her long-term relationship has also been huge. “Before I was diagnosed, me and my partner Dillon really struggled. He didn’t understand why, for two weeks every month, I wanted to end the relationship, and then a week later I’d be bleeding and back to myself, saying ‘I love you’. It was heart-wrenching,” says Ellisha.
“PMDD gaslights you. You forget you have it and you believe the intrusive thoughts. It’s like a voice takes over,” she explains.
Ellisha has now become one of the most recognisable advocates for PMDD in the UK and is the first ambassador for The PMDD Project, the country’s first PMDD-specific charity: “They’re amazing. They’re doing GP workshops, helping doctors learn how to spot and diagnose PMDD. And it’s desperately needed – most people I know with PMDD were misdiagnosed for years. Bipolar, depression, anxiety. I even had a GP Google it in front of me once. She’d never heard of it.
“I get messages every day from people saying, ‘You’re the reason I got my diagnosis.’ It’s surreal. I’m not a doctor. I’m just a girl who went through hell and started talking about it online. But there are so many people out there who are undiagnosed and suffering.”
She has advice for others struggling with the devastating condition. “There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will feel good again in your follicular phase – the first half of your cycle,” she says.
“Communication is everything. Remember that you are not a burden. You’ve got something going on inside of you that’s beyond your control, but remember it can be better. I used to want to end my life every single month. Today, I’m about to start my period and I’m living life. Two years ago that would be impossible.
“If you’re living with someone with PMDD, never dismiss it. Sit with them. Listen. Don’t tell them to just get out of bed or that it’s just hormones. That two-week stretch every month feels like a dark cloud swallowing you whole. And when they come out the other side, remind them they’re still loved. More needs to be done to raise awareness about this condition. I want it taught in schools.”
She adds: “Teenagers message me saying they’ve just discovered what PMDD is from my page. That’s not good enough. I want people to know what this is before it destroys their confidence, their education, and their relationships. I want the next generation to have a diagnosis process that’s supported and kind. We deserve better. We deserve to be heard.”
