A mum-to-be was left worrying because she didn’t want to tell her parents the name she was choosing for her little one – but she also didn’t want to ‘upset’ them as they were first time grandparents
Being pregnant is such a special time, and you’ll likely want to involve those you love from start to finish in the process.
But one woman caused controversy after she decided she didn’t want to tell her family she’d given birth because she was sick of being “hijacked” by her mum because she was good at making situations “all about herself”.
The mum-to-be said she knew that her family would be hurt because they’re set to be first-time grandparents, however, she knew that she needed to put herself first and put the “boundary” in place, despite the fact she knew it was “uncommon”.
The woman took to Reddit’s ‘Am I The A**hole’ forum to ask whether she’d be in the wrong for not announcing her pregnancy until the baby had arrived and it had been at least four of five days.
She explained: “I’m going to have a planned C-section later this month and I don’t want to tell anyone ahead of time, and I don’t want to announce the baby’s birth, sex, or name until we are home, which will probably be four days after birth.
“I’m tired of my milestones and news being hijacked by my mom, and I don’t want my phone blowing up while I’m in the hospital.”
The woman then gave another example of how her mum had spoiled something else for her family, sharing: “For example, when my brother-in-law asked my mum for her blessing, she told everyone that my sister was engaged/getting engaged before he actually had the chance to propose. Sister is still hurt she found out from a cousin congratulating her).”
She then spoke about the name drama that she was worried would ensue because she wanted to “honour a late family member”, and she was worried that the news would be spread around before she had chance to announce it.
“I know my mum will call the honoree’s next of kin and make it all about herself, and I want to be able to, after surgery, make those calls and announcements myself”, she said.
She said that she knew her family members would feel “hurt, confused and excluded” by the news, but she needed to set the boundary. “My in-laws are going to be first-time grandparents and I imagine it would really hurt their feelings to not know for more than half a week that their first grandkid was born, and make sharing the news with friends/family weird because they can’t explain why my husband and I needed this uncommon boundary”, she said.
The woman then asked whether she would be unreasonable for not telling her parents that she’d given birth for four or five days.
People were quick to tell her that she hadn’t done anything wrong, however, sharing: “Anyone who is close enough to you that they would notice if your schedule changed for a few days will notice anyway. Anyone who isn’t that close to you can wait to hear the news. Honestly, anyone who can’t understand, ‘We just wanted a few days to process it together before sharing it’, isn’t someone who deserves to know anyway.”
Someone else disagreed, however, writing: “I’d tell them the truth, ignore their calls and just give them an update once a day. Without any details you don’t want them to spread.”
Another said they didn’t “get it”, writing: “You don’t need to totally hide the birth, which I think would be the part that would hurt people’s feelings. Just send a blanket email or message something along the lines of ‘baby born, happy and healthy. Resting up after a hard time, and will be radio silent for a few days as our little family gets to know each other’. Then a few days later, tell them what you want to tell them. I think that’d be fair for everyone, though again. Not the a**hole either way.”
Do you have a story to share? Email: [email protected]
