A woman has shared how her female-to-male transgender brother has been struggling to settle on a new name to suit his personality – but she doesn’t agree with the one he has now picked out
A woman has sparked a debate after revealing she ordered her transgender brother to change his name because it’s ‘too similar’ to her son’s name. The 26-year-old explained how she has been supporting her brother through his transition knowing their parents are against it entirely.
She says her parents are “really transphobic” – making the home dynamic awkward for her 14-year-old brother. However, she does not support his latest name change, believing it’s unfair to pick a moniker so similar to her son’s.
She argues this would not only confuse her four-year-old son but also would not reflect well on her female-to-male brother. She said on Reddit: “I’d just like to say my brother is 14 and he came out this year, I’ve always tried to be as supportive as I can especially since our parents are really transphobic.
“I brought him a binder and a flag, I also yelled at our parents multiple times for stuff they’ve said to our family members about him. Now on to the problem, I’m 26 and I have a four-year-old I named Finley, he’s always loved my brother and I got my brother to explain to him what being trans was and he was great with it”
She says her brother has been “between names” for about four months, struggling to come up with a male moniker that ‘feels right’. She added: “Since he came out to me he changed his name almost every week, this week he had messaged me saying he’s found a name he really likes and says he thinks it would stick.
“When I tell you my mouth dropped, he messaged me that he was going to call himself Finn. I didn’t get mad or anything so I messaged back ‘but Finley?’ Trying to point it out without sounding harsh but he messaged back ‘but it’s a completely different name, I don’t go by Finley I go by Finn and Finley never gets called Finn’.
“I honestly just got really uncomfortable and tried to tell him how much it was gonna confuse people including my son whose best friends always call him Finn, it’s only family who don’t.” Seeking advice, she added: “I’ve tried to reason with him but he won’t budge so we haven’t talked in two days and I’m kinda waiting till he announces he’s changed it again.”
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In response, one user said: “You sound like a good sibling, and his choice to choose something so similar to your son’s name is weird.” Another user added: “Honestly, as a trans person, not an a***hole. Choosing a family name is normal (I named myself after my nana, for example) but it’s weird for him to choose a name so similar to your son’s.”
A third user said: “Ask Finley how he feels about his uncle having a similar name and talk about it with both of them from there. Not giving a judgment, I think you can work it out.” One more user added: “With the millions of names to choose from, this had to be a very deliberate choice. If he sticks with Finn, just call him the F sound (fah or however you would spell that sound) and tell him you shortened it as a sweet and loving gesture.”
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