For Sam and Conor, a couple from the US, having regular sex doesn’t happen in their relationship. In fact, Sam refuses to sleep with their boyfriend and some people have a lot to say
Love comes in many different forms. But just because something doesn’t subscribe to the ‘norm’ doesn’t mean it’s any less satisfying than other kinds of relationships.
One woman has opened up about how her unique romance with her boyfriend Conor has led to people accusing them of being the “downfall of civilisation”.
Discussing the situation, Sam, who uses the pronouns she/they, explained that she is asexual, which according to The Trevor Project describes people who “may have little interest in having sex”. The site reads: “It’s important to remember that asexuality is an umbrella term, and exists on a spectrum.
“Asexual people – also known as “Ace” or “Aces” – may have little interest in having sex, even though they desire emotionally intimate relationships. Within the ace community, there are many ways for people to identify.”
Speaking to Truly about everything, Sam said she first realised she was asexual when she was around 12. She said: “I know that’s early on and not everybody knows but it just stuck and now I’m 22 and I’m still asexual. I don’t have any sexual attraction, I could live without it.”
After meeting Conor through a mutual friend in 2020, it was clear they had a romantic spark and began spending more time together. Sam says that as soon as she felt that things could get serious between the pair she told Conor how she felt. She said: “I wanted to make sure he knew that so he wasn’t jumping into anything that he didn’t want to be in.”
Speaking candidly, Conor admits that he was confused by the term at first. He said: “There was definitely a journey of just educating myself.” Having been together for four years, the pair have faced certain challenges with the way other people view their relationship.
Conor said: “Our intimacy and sex life is definitely not what society deems as normal, not routine. There will be times when we are physically intimate.” Clarifying what that means for them, Sam says it would be “third base” which she says is the line for them. Discussing how they got to this point, Sam and Conor say they’ve experimented with different levels to find out what their boundaries are.
She said: “[Sex] is not the forefront of our relationship, it’s no way near a priority. It’s just what he feels is right in the relationship and I’m OK with that. Not every asexual is going to do that and that’s OK but usually it’s very rare, once in a blue moon.”
The pair proudly share their relationship online, but it’s not always met positively. Sam said: “I definitely feel like there’s a societal pressure to be sexual in a relationship, like people think they can ‘fix’ you. I do get a little bit of hate. I get things like, ‘So you’re a robot’ and ‘Being with you must be torture’.”
Conor said that he is often accused of cheating on Sam – with people believing there is no way that their relationship will be able to last without sex.
The couple’s friend, Cameron, has also expressed puzzlement in the past, explaining: “I was confused, I didn’t know what it was. I was still learning about that stuff and didn’t know how you could do that.”
Remaining unfazed by the judgement, Sam said: “People who judge our relationship need to open their mind a little bit more. Things can be different and the love is still evergrowing.”
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