A woman was left confused after her friend was upset at her for skipping her wedding last minute after she was downgraded from a bridesmaid to a regular guest at the event
A disheartened social media user sought advice from others after she failed to attend her best friend’s wedding.
The confused woman had originally been intended to serve as a bridesmaid at the wedding, feeling disappointed that she was not named maid of honour after giving her friend that special role on her own big day. However, after a conversation where her friend aired her concerns over her taking part in the nuptials due to her mental health she relegated herself to just being a normal guest.
Holding a grudge against her friend, when the day of the wedding finally arrived she decided not to go at all causing a major upset for her friend. She explained: “My friend [27/f] asked me [28/f] to be one of her bridesmaids for her wedding. She was my maid of honour two years ago, and before that, we’d always say we’d be each other’s maid of honour (we’ve been friends for 20 years).
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“When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, it stung a bit, to be honest, but seeing as she has a twin sister that she is close to, it made sense that she should be her maid of honour. The issue I really had with this is that at one point, before I did barely anything as a bridesmaid, she told me, ‘You don’t have to stand with the other bridesmaids during the wedding’.”
She continued on Reddit: “I found it weird that she was saying that, but I replied, ‘no, I want to be there with all of you.’ After a bit of back and forth, she admitted she doesn’t want me standing there with everyone because of my fear of being the center of attention and my social anxiety.
“She was worried that I would have a panic attack just like I did standing there at my own wedding. Honestly, it was bad during my wedding because I was shaking and couldn’t breathe, and everyone’s terrified reaction made it even worse for me. I had to leave and come back to just me, my husband, and my mother to continue our vows and such while everyone else moved on to the reception. I couldn’t even go join them until I was drunk enough to not feel embarrassed.
“I’ve been to therapy since then and have made huge progress regarding my social anxiety and my best friend knows this. I felt hurt that she didn’t trust me enough to let me stand with the others. I told her I was so much calmer and less anxious now, and I won’t even be the center of attention like I was when I was the bride. She said she acknowledged my improvement but just doesn’t want to take chances.”
She then detailed how her feelings were so hurt that she just couldn’t face attending. She added: “She said she doesn’t want to embarrass me again and that she would just feel worried about me the whole time, and was also worried that I would ruin the mood of the wedding if I did happen to have a panic attack. I eventually told her that I’d just rather be a guest if I can’t do all the bridesmaid stuff. On the day of her wedding, I was just so sick to my stomach with hurt and sadness that I was merely going as a guest to her wedding that I just decided not to go because I felt so left out.
“Now she is very mad at me for making her feel bad at her wedding. She thinks I was trying to hurt her and make her feel guilty because of what she thinks was a reasonable request. I didn’t mean to hurt her but I just couldn’t go because I was overwhelmed with hurt. The people I’ve talked to are all divided on who is the a*****e in this situation. I feel bad for ruining her mood on her wedding day but I still feel what she asked of me was hurtful.”
While she may have hoped others would see her side, the woman found herself being criticised by her fellow social media users, who slammed her for not only dropping out last minute, but failing to see her friend’s logic. One wrote: “She doesn’t want you causing a scene at her wedding. Which 100% would have happened based on your reaction to her decision.
“See, you’re someone who despite saying you don’t like being the center of attention, will find some way to make everything about yourself. Theres no such thing as a MOH exchange program. Just because you picked her does not entitle you to the same position at her wedding. Especially in light of what went on at yours which is so beyond the norm that it’s not even worth risking.”
A second said: “She asked to just a guest and then ditched the whole thing in the wedding morning realizing she WAS only a guest. OP is a disaster who let her friend down and “proved” she was the very “issue” the bride was concerned about!”
A third replied: “OP made this wedding about herself from the get go. Asked to be a bridesmaid, that wasn’t good enough. Feelings already hurt because why wouldn’t SHE be the maid of honour (which usually comes with a bunch of attention jobs like helping the bride prep, day of aid and a speech at the reception) despite having social anxiety, and the bride having a twin! The injustice!
“Bride requested OP not stand at the front in case they need a quick exit, the injustice! How dare she make accommodations for you and take a reasonable common sense precaution to avoid a scene? And guess what, OP, you did cause a scene and find a way to make it about you. You didn’t show up knowing the bride, your friend, would be upset about it. Good for you! Congrats.”
