What would you do if you were convinced your other half was about to propose but things didn’t go to plan? Could your relationship recover? One woman isn’t sure her’s can…
A devastated woman has asked for advice after fearing her relationship is in tatters following a very unfortunate miscommunication. Admitting that she doesn’t handle disappointment well, she explained that because of certain things she had truly believed her boyfriend was about to propose, but that wasn’t the case.
The 27-year-old wrote: “This weekend was my four-year anniversary with my boyfriend, 27. We live together, both have well paying jobs and are very open about our future together. We talk about marriage a lot this isn’t something we’re weird about and he’s even told me he’s had a ring picked out for over a year.
“We also travel quite a bit but I am usually the planner so when he came to me a few months ago and told me he had booked us a trip to upstate NY for our anniversary I was genuinely surprised.
“I didn’t want to get ahead of myself but the timing felt right and I thought hey maybe it’s time maybe we’re going to actually get engaged. I had even had a few friends tell me unprompted they thought he was going to propose when I told them what my weekend plans were.”
Her boyfriend also told her that his family was coming to visit them when they arrived home from their trip, only adding to her anticipation that he was about to propose. She wrote: “It all felt a little too perfect and I was basically convinced this was going to happen. He had even made a comment about needing to pay down his credit card implying he made a large purchase. I know I was probably fully into confirmation bias at this point but I couldn’t help myself.”
When the weekend arrived, the woman told followers that it was perfect. “He was being extra nice to me. Holding my hand everywhere overly complimenting me on everything.” Convinced by this point, she was delighted when he told her that he had planned a hike to a scenic overlook and began mentally preparing herself for the big question.
However, she went on: “I was ready. Ready for absolutely nothing apparently because nothing happened. We had this whole gorgeous lookout to ourselves. Stayed a whole 5 minutes then left.
“I was pretty quiet on the way back but I thought hey maybe he’s trying to throw me off the trail or something. We go out to grab lunch and I ask him if he had anything else planned for the weekend ‘nope that was the only thing I had planned today unless you want to do anything’.
“I finally tell him I feel pretty silly because it’s our last day and I thought he was going to propose. He laughed and said he thought I might think that and even said his mom had told him she thought that’s what was going on and he told her no that ‘definitely isn’t happening’.
“I don’t think he meant it to come off as mean but in that moment I all of a sudden felt really stupid. Like I had come across as desperate or needy for the first time in our relationship. I had never before pressured or made any implication I was expecting a proposal on a timeline and now I felt really stupid and small for even mentioning it.
“He tried to move the conversation along and as he was talking another group of people our age sat at the table next to us and started discussing how one of the couples just got engaged. He gave me a ‘yikes’ face thinking I would find the situation funny but I couldn’t help it I just started silently crying right there in the restaurant.
“It was like the emotional high to low caught up with me all at once and I couldn’t help it. I hate being emotionally demonstrative, especially in public so we quickly left and went back to the hotel. When we got back I just started sobbing. Big chest hyperventilating sobs. I felt like I had broken something I couldn’t fix and that by telling him I was expecting a proposal I now erased the possibility of a genuine organic one. I had ruined that for myself.
“He was very apologetic for not understanding the optics of the situation and said he would have if he had a ring. And he felt dumb looking back on how he set things up to look one way. I cleaned myself up and told him I was more upset and embarrassed with myself. I never wanted to be the type of person that forces someone into an engagement.
“I put in a brave face and tried to be upbeat the rest of the day but as the day wore on that hole of disappointment kept opening in my chest. I felt gross and small and found it difficult to think about anything else. I could barely talk to or look at him because I felt I ruined this weekend he planned by making something out of nothing.
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“I just went back and quietly laid down in the hotel room. I just want to sink into myself right now it’s not even like I can get time alone to just be sad because we live together. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this so I thought I’d put it here. Feels really inconsequential in the grand scheme of things but just wanted to get it off my chest.”
People reading the Reddit post were full of sympathy for the unengaged woman. One person replied: “The ‘definitely isn’t happening’ thing would have broken me. Your feelings are completely normal.” And someone else added: “I’m not buying for one second that he didn’t understand how it looked. I know some people make rocks look intelligent, but this goes even beyond that… I’m more betting that he doesn’t understand exactly how important getting married is to you or that he simply doesn’t care.”
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