A woman has admitted she’s cheating on her husband with her ‘first love’, but has recently found out she’s not the only woman in her secret lover’s life – and now she’s jealous
If you’re cheating on your partner, can you really be mad when your other lover is also seeing different people?
A woman has admitted she recently reconnected with a man she described as her “first love”, and although she has been married for over 30 years, she has been going behind her husband’s back to have “infrequent in-person visits” with her ex. The woman said she’s no longer happy in her marriage as she feels as though her spouse is more like a “nice brother” than a romantic interest, so seeing her ex has been exciting and fun for her.
However, she’s not the only woman in her secret lover’s life. She claimed her ex sees another woman “every couple of months”, and has said that knowing this makes her feel “jealous” – even though she’s also leading a double life.
Writing to The Slate’s Dear Prudence advice column, the woman insisted she and her “first love” have feelings for one another, and things have gotten so serious that she has “met his son”, despite her husband having no idea. And while she thought she would be okay with her secret lover seeing another woman, she’s now realised it makes her uncomfortable.
She said: “We love one another, I have been to his home, and have met his son. He has been open about the other woman. I originally thought that I would be okay with this, but I find that I am not. As the time approaches when he will see the other woman, I get anxious, worried, and jealous. I do not want to give him up, and he won’t give her up. How can I accept this and be content that he is back in my life?”
In her response, Dear Prudence advice writer Jenée Desmond-Harris argued there is no way for the woman to feel “content” while she’s in such a messy situation with her relationships. She told the woman that if she wants to cheat, it should be “with someone who brings you nothing but peace and joy”, as infidelity already causes “stress and guilt” as it is.
Jenée also suggested that the woman “close the door” on her relationship with her ex, and said that while it’s “clear” that something is “missing” in her marriage, there may be a way to work on it for the better.
She responded: “I actually see a lot of potential and hope in ‘living with a nice brother’. You don’t hate or resent each other. There’s been no huge catastrophe. You have mutual respect and affection to work with. Be open to the possibility that it would be more efficient to turn this relationship into one that gives you what you need than it would be to chase men – and feelings – from your past.”
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