A woman, who is terminally ill, opened up about the worries she has about her husband. She’s debating allowing him to sleep with her friend, as she thinks they’d be a good match
A terminally ill woman shared the heartbreaking plan she has for her husband after she passes away.
The anonymous woman, who told her story on Reddit, explained she’s in an “unusual situation”. She knows she’s dying, but is worried about what will happen to her husband when she’s no longer with us.
She told people they tied the knot when she was very unwell and have “no regrets”. But, she doesn’t know much time she has left for sure, and wants to make sure her husband has a future after their time together.
Even though they have a “great sex life”, she admitted she wants him to find someone else in the future. This led her to think up an interesting plan, and she wanted to know other people’s thoughts on the matter.
In the post, she wrote: “I have incurable cancer. My husband and I (we’re in our late twenties/early thirties) got married when I was very ill, and we thought I would die soon afterwards.
“A couple of years later, I’m still here but not cured. Couldn’t give you a good estimate of how long I now have left, possibly five to 10 years.
“We don’t regret getting married, and we are a very good match for each other. We are very much in love, and have a great sex life.
“But, we do have to be realistic about my lifespan, and about what he does with his life after me. We have discussed him dating after me, and even him getting married again.
“I fully support this, and want him to live his life free of the shadow my death will bring. I’ve even suggested mutual friends that he might be a good match with. I think it’s my way of thinking he’ll be okay when I’m gone.”
She continued: “So, onto the situation: one of my friends (35F) has repeatedly said she finds my husband hot. I don’t find this problematic in itself, and my husband takes it as a compliment. Said friend is a virgin.
“My husband, like many men, has something of a virgin fetish. Without getting overly analytical about his caveman brain, he’s not proud of it, but I’d say he feels it more keenly than others I’m aware of. Y’all can probably already guess where this is going.
“We (all three of us) have started discussions about my husband taking my friend’s virginity. I’d be happy to think my husband and my friend could make a go of a relationship when I die. I think they’d be a lovely match. Obviously, this won’t happen until I’m dead!
“But should I take into account the fact that my husband wants to take someone’s virginity, and agree to them having sex whilst I’m still alive? It would be a one-time thing, and it would mean my husband wouldn’t ‘just miss out’ (my words not his) on being her first.
“This is my first monogamous relationship, all of my previous have been non-monogamous. They’ve ended badly, and I do think having multiple sexual partners at once was a reason for that. Nothing against it in principle, it just didn’t work well for me.
“So what do we think? Am I crazy for considering my husband having sex with my friend, to scratch his virgin itch, and to possibly pave the way for something after I’m dead?”
Since the story was shared, it’s generated quite a big response online. While many offered their thoughts and advice on the situation, others encouraged her to treasure the time she has left.
They noted it was a reminder that “death comes to us all”, but many people tried to offer words of comfort. It’s clearly a very sensitive, and unique, situation to be in.
One person said: “This. I’m currently caring for a terminally ill family member and the one thing you can’t get back is time.
“Make the most of the time you have and don’t treat yourself like you’re already gone and need to set things up right for everyone else.”
Another wrote: “It sounds like you have guilt about the fact that you won’t be around forever, and that’s leading to you feeling like you should allow your husband to do this as he’ll be free to do something like this after you’re gone anyway?
“Honestly what do YOU feel? Nvm him missing out on her virginity (which is as bad as it sounds I think), how would this affect you?
“If my partner had 10 years left I would be trying to make these the best 10 years for her, not me. So would you be okay with it? Forgive me if I’m wrong, and please correct me where necessary.”
A third also replied: “My recommendation is to not open your relationship when one of you is going through something this significant. NRE hits hard and you need more of your partner now. Not less.
“My second recommendation is if you are going to go non monogamous, do not open it to close friends. I promise you it is so much worse. It basically never works out. It’s a mess.”
