A woman who believed her husband was heading off on a solo trip was dismayed to learn that he had in fact been holidaying with another woman – with the pair even sharing a room
A woman was recently dismayed to learn that her boyfriend’s ‘solo’ holiday was anything but.
Rather than taking some time for himself, he had in fact been enjoying a trip away with another woman, booking the excursion while they were on ‘a very short break’. Suspicions arose when he first returned, and she asked him straight up whether he had been away with someone else.
Acting indignant, he insisted that he hadn’t, but a bit of online sleuthing caught him in a lie. Again, he acted defensively, arguing that he was just friends with his travelling companion. The woman still wasn’t happy with his explanation, however, finding their decision to share a room particularly inappropriate.
Even though he promised nothing had happened – and that he’d slept on the sofa – the whole thing left her feeling exceedingly uncomfortable – especially given that the pair had slept together on a previous occasion. To add insult to injury, her boyfriend also hadn’t told the other woman about her.
In a letter penned to OK! magazine’s agony aunt Lalalaletmeexplain the stunned girlfriend expressed her shock that – instead of offering a grovelling apology – her lying boyfriend responded with fury to her cheating accusations, and promptly ended their relationship.
She wrote: “Even if nothing happened, I feel so utterly hurt and betrayed. This is a man I have known for years. We have been on and off but had recently declared our love for each other so he is someone I never thought would do something like this. How do I get past the hurt and the anger?
“I’m so angry. I know I can’t be with him, I could never trust him again. I just want to know how to get over the hurt of being lied to and betrayed, how I will ever trust anyone again and how to let go of the anger.”
Responding with some sage words of wisdom, Lala replied: “What a horrible thing to have discovered. I think it’s interesting that you said ‘Even if nothing happened…’ which makes me think that his claims of innocence have created a little niggle in your brain that he might actually be telling the truth and that this was just two pals on a platonic holiday sleeping separately. I obviously wasn’t there, but I would go out on a limb and say that the chances of this being an innocent trip are close to zero.
“He lied about going away alone, and then when you confronted him he continued the lie, and then when you caught him bang to rights he created a new lie and then he gaslit you to make you seem like you were crazy for being suspicious about it. It’s very very clear that he cheated. But like you say, even if there wasn’t any sex, the simple act of going away with a woman he’s slept with before without your knowledge is still cheating. It’s still a betrayal of the boundaries of your relationship.”
Remarking that feeling clarity about not wanting to resume the shattered relationship was ‘a good place to start’, Lala reassured the letter writer that she had ‘every right to be angry’, encouraging her to channel her anger in a physical way, by going for a run, dancing to her favourite music, or even visiting a ‘smash room’.
Urging her to ‘give space to all of your emotions’, Lala encouraged the hurt woman to make sure she had support in place, in the form of counselling or a trusted friend, and to practice safe care. Adding that forgiveness can be highly beneficial to healing, she continued: “To learn to trust again in future the most important thing is to process the emotions from the past, therapy and journaling and talking about your feelings is the best way.
“There is potential for betrayal in every friendship and relationship we enter, it’s life, but you can begin to trust again by taking things slowly, remembering that not everyone is going to hurt you, by paying attention to red flags (were there any in this situation that you can look back on?), and by not fearing hurt and heartache.”
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