A woman who chose to keep her ex-husband’s surname so she could share it with their kids has said she’s now being forced to change it back – because her ex’s new partner is jealous
There might be many reasons you choose to change your surname, but to stop someone else from feeling ‘jealous’ shouldn’t be one of them.
When a couple gets married, it’s not uncommon for one person to take on the surname of the other to signify their coming together as a family, as this will also be the surname their children have. But if that couple gets divorced, things can get more complicated. Some divorcees will choose to take up their maiden name again, but if you have kids with your spouse, you might choose to keep your married name so that you can continue to share it with your children.
The latter is what one woman chose to do five years ago when she separated from her husband. However, now the man is getting married again and his fiancée isn’t too keen on the idea of sharing a surname with his ex-wife – so the new couple have demanded she take up her maiden name.
In a post on Reddit, the woman explained she and her husband divorced after they “grew apart” as people, and the decision was mutual. They currently co-parent their three teenage children and things generally ran pretty smoothly despite their split – up until the man began dating his new partner.
The man proposed to his new wife-to-be over Christmas, and the woman recently got a phone call from him explaining that she must change her surname before they get married next year – because his new partner doesn’t want to share a surname with her.
She wrote: “My ex called me yesterday saying he is giving me a heads up that I have a year to change my last name back to my maiden name, as his fiancée is expressing her distaste and concern for her and me to have the same last name when they get married. I told him we agreed in our divorce that I could keep his last name until I felt the need to change it, and that is what is listed in our paperwork. I also told him I don’t want to have a different last name than our kids.
“He said I’m being unreasonable and refusing to see how this would make his fiancée uncomfortable. I told him I can’t see it from her side because I am a grown-up, and not an immature child like she is.”
Commenters on the post were largely on the woman’s side, with many saying the man’s new fiancée was being out of line for demanding she change her name – especially as she shares it with her children. One commenter even suggested she agree to change her name if she can change the kids’ names too, which the dad was staunchly against.
The woman responded: “I did offer that as a solution and he completely lost it saying he is their dad and they deserve to have his last name. Yet when I said I wanted the same last name as our kids, he told me that wasn’t a legitimate reason to not change it.”
Another commenter told the woman: “If she does not want to share a name, hubby can change his last name to match her.” While someone else also posted: “There’s nothing anybody can or should do about your name. Keep it and hold your head high.”
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