The mum-of-one cannot bear to look at the messages from her husband and said she was left feeling ‘stupid and disgusted’ after discovering his devastating secret and years of lies
One woman who dreamed of having a big family and at least four children with her husband thought she was infertile only to make the horrific discovery that her partner had had a secret vasectomy after their first child.
The 31-year-old wife made it clear that her husband, who she refers to by the pseudonym “Chris”, had said from the start he shared her hopes of having a large family, and that money was not a concern. This was before her husband’s lies would leave her at sea in months of confusion and desperation as she tried to conceive a second child.
Following the shock discovery, she posted on Reddit saying ”I don’t know what to do,” after Chris had offered her words of comfort and encouragement, all whilst he had made it impossible for the couple to have a second child. She added: ”Chris, and I have been married for four years, together for six. When we first got together we had several long talks about how we both wanted a big family.”
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“I wanted to be very upfront that child free is not an option, and I said I wanted to have at least four kids. I’m an only child and know how lonely it is, I also said I wanted to have them about a year/year and a half apart so they could grow up close.
“He always wholeheartedly agreed to this and often made jokes like ‘whether we have 4 or 6, have as many as we want, it’s your call since you pretty much have to do all the work'”. The woman said she felt it was “important” to emphasise that money was truly no object, adding “I make about 20K more a year than him, and the five-bedroom house that we live in was a gift from my mum who was very excited to be a grandma to many.”
Even on their wedding day, Chris was cracking jokes about how quickly they could have a baby. “On our wedding day before we left the reception for our honeymoon he whispered ‘can we get outta here and get started on baby #1?’ I loved how excited he seemed. To be clear I didn’t go off my BC until about two months after we were married and I got pregnant soon after with our first daughter Joy.”
However, following the birth of their first child, Joy, she started to notice her husband growing distant. She said: ”I noticed Chris became distant during my first pregnancy, but when I asked him about it he just said he had a lot in his mind being a new father. He said he was still excited, but something changed.”
The couple had an “open-phone” policy, meaning they were both allowed to go through each other’s phones whenever they liked. Chris’ wife searched through his mobile expecting signs of cheating but saw nothing.
“Fast forward a year after, we’re sleeping through the night and I am back to work, saw my doctor and was cleared to try for bundle of joy #2, and Chris seemed very enthusiastic at this point. He even downloaded an app to track my fertility cycle so we could make the most of my ovulation times.
“We had a lot of fun and he was always very passionate, but six months of trying with no pregnancy I started to worry. I’d voice my concerns and Chris would brush them off, so I tried to be patient, but then almost two years passed and Joy is growing up by herself.”
Following a trip to a specialist who told her there was nothing wrong with her, after over six months of trying for a baby, the mum-of-one was shocked to find a secret appointment her husband had made months before, whilst re-assuring her a baby would come eventually.
“I went to Chris with this knowledge and he was very upset I went to a fertility specialist. I explained I thought something might have gone wrong during my last pregnancy, concerned that I was maybe blocked or infertile somehow. He said why not wait and ‘just let nature take its course’ and I said ‘our little girl is almost three, and growing up by herself.’
“I reminded him of our plans and he just nodded and said all we can do is try. I asked if he would see a fertility specialist and he got angry, saying there’s nothing wrong with him and we don’t have the money for fertility treatments anyway. This confused me since we do have money, we have my savings and are doing pretty well.”
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It was time for some serious detective work, Chris’ wife took it upon herself to double-check all possibilities on her husband’s phone and finally hit gold. “When he went to sleep I decided to go through his phone again and went back through his calendar and call logs.
“I noticed about eight months after Joy was born there was a blocked day indicating he’d taken off from work, but it was in the middle of the week and I don’t remember any sort of special occasions behind why he’d take this random day off. I went through the call logs and found an office number about a week before and when I googled the number a local business where you could get a vasectomy appeared! I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I instantly felt cold all over then started to panic.”
It was time to drop the bombshell on Chris. She wrote: “I woke him up and confronted him. He just stared at me while I went off and admitted babies were harder than he thought and he felt like my first pregnancy took forever.”
Now, staying with her mother, she cannot bare to look at the messages from her husband and expressed a state of disbelief saying “I couldn’t believe it” adding that she felt “stupid and disgusted.” She added: “I packed my things, Joy and her things and drove to my mom’s house…I can’t believe my little girl is going to grow up alone.”
The woman issued an edit to her original post making it clear she didn’t coerce her husband, emphasising that he “repetitively agreed and accepted” her wishes for a big family, saying they had “always said we’d have at least 4.”
