A woman has been left reeling and second-guessing her marriage after her husband admitted he ‘hates’ their two-year-old son and wishes they had never opted for a sperm donor to conceive him
One woman has been left second-guessing her marriage after her husband expressed his regret over conceiving their child via sperm donor.
The perplexed mum of one took to Reddit to share her dilemma. Under a post titled “Am I being unreasonable to think DH resents our DS?,” she explained that she and her husband tried to conceive for years. However, they were unsuccessful due to his fertility issues. Ultimately, they decided to opt for a sperm donor, which she admits “wasn’t an easy decision” but it gave them their son, who is now two years old.
“DH [dear husband[ was brilliant when DS [dear son] was a baby — nappies, feeds, up in the night, proper hands on,” the poster penned. “But since DS turned into a proper toddler, he’s just pulled right back. DS wants cuddles, climbs on him, wants to play, and DH just moves him or tells him to go to me. He barely interacts now unless I push it.
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“Had another talk about it last night and it turned into a row. He ended up shouting that he hates DS and that going with a donor was a mistake. Then he stormed out and slept on the sofa. This morning he just got up and went straight to work without a word.”
She added: “I feel sick. We agreed on this together. I know it’s complicated and I know he’s struggling, but DS didn’t ask for any of this. He’s just a little boy who wants his dad.
“I’m heartbroken and angry and don’t even know what to do. I feel like I’ve got to protect DS from his own dad.”
Users raced to the comments section to offer up their advice and consolation, with many agreeing that she should leave the relationship – for her son’s sake.
One person said: “Your relationship is over really. Unless he is prepared to get some serious counselling there is no living with someone who hates your child.”
Another agreed, writing: “Your DH needs therapy to attempt to save all this. If he can’t overcome this then you will have to split up.
“He may have done it to please you. I knew a guy whose parents adopted him when they couldn’t have children. The Dad never really wanted him but did it to please the wife.
“The guy worked it out for himself. As an adult the Dad didn’t want him around either.”
One person offered a different perspective, saying: “I’m adopted. My parents loved me as much as their birth siblings. It’s not who fathered that counts, it’s who raises. I’d leave.”
“That would be a point of no return for me,” said another. “That’s cruel. I’d make a total and clean break to protect my child: ask DH to leave, remove him from the birth certificate, change child’s name to yours, and then raise your son to believe he was chosen, loved and deeply wanted by you, with the right to contact his bio father when he wants.
“Do this while he’s young enough to forget your DH ever existed. Don’t let him grow up feeling like he’s unwanted – ‘hated’ – or that he’s done something wrong just because he exists.
“It will ruin his life, and he doesn’t deserve that. You have to make sure he’s ok.”
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