An ’embarrassed’ woman revealed that sometimes she felt as though she and her husband were not even on ‘the same planet’ thanks to his severe lack of personal hygiene
Personal hygiene is really important, and many people will consider it a non-negotiable for their partner to present themselves well.
However, one woman found herself “embarrassed” by her husband, who she’d been with for 11 years, and described him as the most “frustrating man on the planet to live with”.
Not only did he make her and their kids “rush around” because he wanted to be early everywhere, but the last straw came when he did nothing but “grunt” at her while they were out with her parents. He “didn’t want to make conversation”, and she became frustrated – but it was his lack of table manners that really grossed her out.
Taking to Mumsnet, the woman explained the situation, saying: “Yesterday he suggested a meal out today and we invited my parents. We met them at the pub and our table was super close to another which meant one of the chairs didn’t have much wiggle space.
“I said to him can you sit there cos you’re the only one out of us both that will fit and he got majorly defensive saying I had no idea how offensive I was (like I was body shaming him). I just looked at him and said I’m 36 weeks pregnant how is my bump gonna fit in that tiny space?
“I was so embarrassed I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. And if I hadn’t said anything he’d have taken the more comfortable chair and let me squish myself into the corner.”
She said that when they were at the restaurant, her husband had a “pained look on his face” and “didn’t wanna make conversation”, and he just “grunted” when she spoke.
“We got curries and he was trying to serve his onto his plate and got it all over his hands, the table and his napkin. Was wiping the back of his nose on his hand so I handed him a tissue and he was glaring at me like I was embarrassing him,” she wrote.
“We were sharing a pickle tray and he was dipping his poppadoms into the bowls rather than just use the spoon to put some on his side plate.
“Absolutely no awareness of what he was doing so I made a point of asking my son to use the spoons to avoid another telling off for ’embarrassing him’ hoping he’d get the hint but he didn’t and continued what he was doing with no regard for the fact my parents don’t want to use dip that he’s practically slobbered in.
“His personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired as well when he’s having these episodes. I honestly despise him when he’s like this. He isn’t always like this but then has these spirals that can go on for months and I just want to leave him.”
She said that sometimes she feels “tight” with him, but others they’re “not only not on the same page” but not “even on the same planet”.
Someone wrote in response: “Yuck, I hate double dipping”. Another suggested: “Speak to him before going out and ask him to use manners.”
Another Mumsnetter said she reckoned her husband was giving her the “ick”. She said: “You sound like he’s giving you the ick right now with his selfishness, moodiness and eating habits.
“You also mentioned his hygiene and going through phases. Do you know what’s behind them? Between being heavily pregnant and being annoyed, probably the best thing you could do is sleep on it.”
Another shared: “It sounds like you have lost, or are losing, your respect for him, and I’m afraid that is pretty fatal when it comes to most marriages. You say he has lots of positive characteristics too though; do you want to salvage the marriage? Maybe some counselling would help?
“The problem seems to be that he reacts negatively to any feedback and he wasn’t taught any manners or correct etiquette. Are you harsh when you criticise him? Do you praise the good things too?
“Is there a different way you could get your message across? Maybe not in the moment but when you are spending some calm time together? Say you want to talk to him about a few things. But is feedback more positive than negative each time?”
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