A working mum has told of her ‘ongoing frustration’ with her mother-in-law who looks after her young son, believing she is holding him back developmentally
A mother of a one-and-a-half-year-old boy has told of her ‘ongoing nightmare’ with her ‘meddling’ mother-in-law, after enlisting her help looking after her son while she and her fiancé work. Admitting she had accepted her help to save on ‘sky-high’ nursery fees, she told how her actions had been ‘driving her crazy’ leading her to believe that her son was being held back developmentally, and driving a wedge between the two women.
She said: “My mother-in-law watches my son a lot. After he was born I was against having so much help, but after fighting the mum guilt and accepting I might actually need a village, I let the help come.” She also told how the couple currently lived with her Mexican mother-in-law: “My parents passed away so I don’t have another set of grandparents to take him to or help, and childcare is out… My son is her first grandbaby, so she’s very excited about him.”
Read more: ‘I took DNA test for a laugh – and accidentally uncovered my mum’s devious past’
However, she also told how her son seemed to be ‘mollycoddled’ by her mother-in-law, who, while believing she was ‘doting’ on her grandson, was potentially holding him back instead: “My son is 18.5 months and doesn’t walk or talk much. When I’m around I try to teach him what I can by speaking to him like he can understand. I forbade baby talk, but she ignored me. Every time I come home, she’s baby-talking him. He walks with assistance, not without, he needs a wall or a hand to hold to walk.”
She also revealed that she had tried to teach her son to feed himself, but her mother-in-law chose to spoon-feed and hand-feed him instead: “He can’t hold a cup, still struggles with straw cups a bit, and she won’t feed him in the high chair she feeds him in bed constantly.”
Encouraging her to engage in activities with her son was also a problem, with her mother-in-law preferring to sit him in front of the TV for four hours per day: “She admitted it is around two hours of Sesame Street and two hours of educational television,” she fumed.
“When I have him, she’ll hover around or offer to cook a meal just so she can be by the baby, and I feel bad about keeping them apart because my son adores her and family is important to me. I don’t want to get in the way of their bond, but at what point do I step in?”
For all the latest on news, politics, sports, and showbiz from the USA, go to The Mirror US.
She went on to say: “Everyone tells me I should be grateful for the help and not complain so much, that other people would kill to be this privileged and I have nothing to worry about, but I think all of the cuddling and coddling does my son nothing but a disservice.”
After taking her parenting worries to Reddit, admitting she didn’t want half of her salary to go towards daycare, many accused her of wanting to have her cake and eat it too: “I get that you don’t want half your salary to go to daycare, but you can already see the hidden cost of free mother-in-law childcare. Is this free childcare worth it? It wouldn’t be to me,” said one, while another commented: “You have a lot of demands for free childcare and that’s just not realistic. No screen time, educational activities, working on developmental delays: that’s a level of care you have to pay money for.”
Many urged her to find a new daycare solution: “A paid childcare professional who will ensure your child is developing on track and respect your boundaries is well worth it,” said one reader, while another mother commented: “You won’t be able to have firm boundaries until you move out.”
“I’d rather sink half my pay check into daycare than let someone who won’t follow directions watch my kid. Her babying has consequences,” said another. What’s the point of accepting help when the person ‘helping’ is making your life harder?”
