A traumatised bride claims she was left feeling rather disturbed by her mother-in-law’s ‘pukeworthy’ wedding gift – which she has now tried to block out of her memory altogether
A bride was left positively mortified after opening her mother-in-law’s well-meaning wedding present – and she’s done her absolute best to forget all about it.
While many newlyweds hope for a nice new dinner set, or perhaps some cash for their honeymoon, this poor woman received three rather bizarre offerings. The first was a re-gifted hand mixer – which she would have been fine with had it not still been labelled with a card from the guest’s own wedding one month prior. The second was six inscribed copies of Love for a Lifetime, a book she describes as a “hideously terrible evangelical tome about marriage”. One copy would have been more than adequate.
These presents appeared positively fantastic in comparison to what her new mother-in-law had in store for her, however. In a thoughtful, yet excruciatingly awkward move, the proud mother of the groom presented the happy couple with a how-to sex tape cassette – that she’d narrated herself.
Taking to Reddit, the blushing and then some bride explained that it’s now been 30 years since her special day, but she’s still somewhat haunted by her mother-in-law’s X-rated narration. She believes the tape is still knocking about in their house somewhere, however, both she and her husband have endeavoured to scrub most of it from their minds
Recalling some choice parts of the tape, the now long-married woman shared: “I clearly remember at least part of it that went something like, ‘[Bride] takes [Groom’s] penis in her hand and strokes it gently’. This was interspersed with some prayers. Like I said, I have stricken it from memory, but it resurfaces from time to time.”
She does however believe her mother-in-law had their best interests at heart, explaining: “To be fair, my mother-in-law, knowing that I graduated from the same Christian college as her son, probably laboured under the impression that I was a MUCH nicer (read ‘naive’) girl than I was, and she probably supposed that our wedding night was going to be our first time.
“I really think she made the cassette because we grew up in a cult whose main teaching on sex was that it was this ‘terrible, horrible, awful, dirty thing that you saved to do with someone you truly loved on your wedding night’. And she grew up in this horribly violent and abusive home and then married an a**hole who was two notches less a**-holely than her own father, so I really think she did it hoping for the best for me.”
A number of fellow Reddit users agreed that the mother-in-law’s heart was in the right place – even though the tape would elicit a cold shudder from most lovebirds. One person commented: “Your description of her intentions makes this both a really sweet and absolutely horrible gift at the same time. I hope the rest of your dealings with her fell completely into the sweet territory.”
Another wrote: “Whaaat the hell. There’s not enough brain bleach in the world for a sex ed class narrated by my own mother-in-law. I guess I do appreciate there were probably good intentions there.”
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