A woman was left confused when her friend kept making her feel ‘used’ and was ‘hounding’ her to go along with plans that she wanted to do – but there was a final straw
Sometimes, there can be red flag signs that indicate your friend is using you for what you can bring to the table, rather than appreciating your presence in their life.
One woman was getting annoyed that her friend, who she met on a Facebook forum, was “hounding” her during a busy period of her life, and wasn’t getting the hint that she had other priorities at that moment in time. She would constantly ask her to go on holiday, despite the fact she knew that her pal was busy with a house move.
“She would absolutely hound me from the moment that I woke up to the minute that I would go to bed”, the woman complained. But she reached the final straw when her mate wanted to treat her house like a hotel.
Taking to the forum Mumsnet, the woman desperately asked for an “outsider’s perspective” on her situation. She wrote: “A few months back, my husband and I finally sold our house after having been on the market for quite a while…things were going really well, and it was naturally a very busy time for us. We found another property that we liked and we had progressed quite far down the chain in regards to getting the move going!
“During this time, my friend would hound me sometimes four times a day (yes really, I’ve got the screenshots!) about different holidays and trips that she wanted to go on because her annual leave calendar had been updated for the year.”
Rather than reading the room and understanding that things were “hectic” for her pal, the friend continued to “hound” her, and the original poster was in “such a negative headspace” that she was taking it out on her husband. She felt as though she couldn’t even open her phone out of fear the woman would send her more holiday ideas.
She continued: “Eventually, she caught me on a really hard day through other reasons that I won’t go into, and I ended up caving and booking something with her for in a few months’ time. I am really not looking forward to it to be honest and would much rather be here at home as I recently started my new job and I’m missing vital training time. This is by the by, I cannot do anything about it now. It is a holiday for just me and her, my husband is staying at home due to work commitments.
“Anyway, in the end, unfortunately, a couple of months after the sale etc our buyers had to pull out for financial reasons. It was gutting, we lost chunks of money and the home we loved and were accepted on… I guess we are able to go on the holiday, but it just feels completely tainted in the fact that she would not take no for an answer from me, even though I was continuously explaining my reasons…”
But now, she explained her friend had met a man, but she doesn’t know “anything about him literally other than his name and profession”. Despite this, her pal is asking whether “her and her new man can sleep round” at her house after a night out they’re due to go on together – and she was left miffed.
She fumed: “My initial reaction to this message was that it was extremely cheeky and rude to ask. I have work the next morning and I have also got a viewing scheduled on our home that morning. It would not be suitable to have guests in the house that morning when I need to tidy up and prepare for the viewing!
“That aside, I do not know this man at all, I don’t know anything about him, what he’s like etc. I feel in a vulnerable position because the house is often empty due to my and my partner’s working schedule, and I don’t know who this man might know/what he could do. Not saying he would, but I’m extremely wary already living in a remote location.
“It took me a good hour to muster up the courage to text her back. I did, and told her unfortunately this would not be possible because I have work the next day and I also have a home viewing. Yet again, my word was not good enough for her, and she has gone on and on about the fact that accommodation in the area we are going out in is too expensive and they just want to spend one night together…”
The original poster said that she felt “really uncomfortable” about the situation, sharing that she felt “completely used” and not “respected”. But this wasn’t the only unusual thing her friend was doing. She said: “Not only does she do things like this, but she also often has her deliveries and parcels directed to my home address without having ever asked me if that is okay.
“I often come home to find parcels of all shapes and sizes on my doorstep addressed to her, and a couple of weeks ago I was getting ready for bed at 11 pm when my ring doorbell alerted me to movement outside of my home. I checked my ring doorbell and it was her at 11 pm on my driveway collecting a parcel from my front doorstep. She did not once ask me if she could come at that time of night or even if she could have anything delivered to my address AT ALL. In fact she has never asked!!”
She ended the post by explaining: “I feel bad as my fuse is getting shorter, but I am really struggling to regulate my emotions around this situation and feel as though I am being used and abused. I have plenty of other friends who are low maintenance and lovely and would never be like this to me.”
In the comments, people were left confused as to why the woman was still friends with her needy pal, with one writing: “She sounds exhausting and I’m surprised you haven’t just dumped her and blocked her number”, and someone agreed, saying: “She is not your friend. Distance yourself and tell her not to get parcels to your house. Reject the deliveries. Block her if she keeps hounding you. Don’t let her or her man stay.”
Another even suggested that the woman was “bullying” her, and grinding her down until she had to say yes. A Mumsnetter said: “You’re giving mixed messages by saying no and then saying yes. That just tells her she needs to keep asking and you’ll change your mind.
“Say no to this night out. It doesn’t work, and her staying over definitely doesn’t work. Tell her you need some space and ask her to not message you for a few weeks. Say you care about her, but you need to focus on work and your husband. If she ignores the boundary then I’m afraid she isn’t a friend. Block her.”
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