A woman has started an important conversation about sex and gender identity after suspecting that her partner wants to retransition a year after stopping being transgender
A concerned woman has issued a desperate plea for advice after noticing a shift in her transgender girlfriend’s behaviour. The woman, named Sarah*, shared how her girlfriend Agatha* was born female before transitioning to male and back to female.
Currently, the pair both identify as cis female lesbians but Agatha uses they/them pronouns rather than she/her. Sarah wrote: “My partner has previously socially and medically transitioned (female to male), they had top surgery and took testosterone for about two years or so. They detransitioned about three months before we met.”
However, Sarah believes Agatha is again struggling with her gender identity, saying she is giving the impression she might be interested in transitioning back to male again.
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She added: “We’ve previously had discussions where they’ve talked about missing their ‘old’ body and appearance but I thought it was maybe about weight gain or clothing style or something. They often show me photos of themself during their transition and talk about how happy they were and confident things like that.”
Sarah added that Agatha’s family and friends are very supportive, so she is sure they didn’t force or coerce them into anything and made both decisions themselves.
She went on: “My partner has emotional breakdowns almost every day regarding their body and appearance and I can’t help but think that maybe this is a hint at wanting to re-transition. I think the reason they haven’t outright told me is because we have had talks about it in the past where obviously I identify as a lesbian and wouldn’t invalidate my identity or the identity of my partner by continuing to date a trans man.
“I’m scared that they are too nervous to tell me because they think I will breakup with them. I would really appreciate advice about how to go about this situation and what I could possibly do to help or support my partner.
“I only found out about their transition after we had started dating and I sorta knew that nobody really truly ‘detransitions’. They are just very adamant about the fact that they are a female lesbian and I just agreed and left it at that. Just lately I can’t help but notice these things.”
People reading the sensitive Reddit post urged Sarah to speak to Agatha and even shared their own experiences. One person replied: “Gods yeah, it sounds like they’re really hurting inside. This is the reality that isn’t often addressed, the vast majority of detransitioners will eventually retransition. I remember repressing my feelings for years because my long term partner identified as straight and I was afraid. It can really mess with your sense of self.”
If you live in the UK and would like to speak to someone about this matter, TransUnite is a comprehensive resource for people in searching for support in the transgender community.
* Names have been changed for the purpose of this article
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