A mum has sparked debate online after sharing her huge dissapointment when she found out the gender of her baby – experts weigh in on what causes this reaction
A mum has sparked debate after being visibly upset at the results of her gender reveal.
Gender reveals can be an exciting part of pregnancy, ready to prepare for your newborn, and while having a baby is a blessing to any couple – this mum wasn’t happy at all.
Mum-of-two Autumn shared clips from her first gender reveal, where she and her partner found out they were having a girl. Excited as they jumped around happily, it was a totally different reaction the second time round.
When the couple were about to find out the gender of their second baby, Autumn appeared excited until she found out she was expecting another little girl – and burst into tears as she said she “wanted a boy”.
Consoled by her partner, he told her in the clip “Well we don’t get to pick” as she walked off crying. Viewers were left divided over whether her reaction was justified or not. She then put the two clips together in one TikTok and asked: “Have you ever experienced this?” And wrote over the video: “Gender reveal #1 VS Gender reveal #2.”
She then added: “Trigger warning one of these videos displays gender disappointment.” In the comment section, people were quick to weigh in with their thoughts.
Some of Autumns followers were in support of her honesty, as one mum wrote: “I’ve had gender disappointment 3 times now, it’s awful to deal with and get shamed for. My kids aren’t any less loved.”
While a second added: “I don’t think people realise it is 100% okay to have gender disappointment it’s draining you want something so bad it just starts to feel like it will never be a reality.”
“When I found out I was having my 3rd boy I literally cried that night. I mourned the idea of getting my baby girl. It’s okay to be upset, it doesn’t diminish the love that baby will have,” a third wrote.
However, others were shocked that she was so disappointed, as one TikToker commented: “The fact that people don’t know what digital footprints are and now her second child possibly will find this growing up,” and a second echoed: “I’m pregnant with my 3rd daughter and could not be more thrilled. Confused why parents feel upset about multiple daughters?”
The term ‘gender disappointment’ describes the guilt and shame a parent might experience when they find out that the sex of their baby is not what they were hoping for, says Danielle Forshee, PsyD, LCSW, a doctor of psychology and licensed clinical social worker.
As per Very Well Family, Forshee explained: “Sadness and disappointment occur because before the [sex] reveal, you and/or your partner had ideas and fantasies about what life would be like if your baby was the [sex] you preferred. Once these ideas and fantasies have been created, they begin to take a life of their own. Hope has then transformed into an expectation, and as with any expectation we hold in life – when expectations aren’t met, we feel disappointment.”
Experts suggest that if a parent is struggling with disappointment, there are a few ways to cope with it. One way is to talk to people you trust, as opening up is vital to ease those feelings of shame. Parents should also try to “determine why you feel how you do” as well as trying to reframe your feelings, looking ahead at what’s to come with your newborn.
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