Rosie Viva started experiencing hallucinations
Model and actress Rosie Viva has been an outspoken ambassador for Bipolar UK, sharing her experience with the condition in books, documentaries and most recently the charity’s new Maybe It’s Bipolar film. But the 29-year-old wasn’t always so accepting of her own condition.
Speaking to Reach at the premiere of her new short film, Rosie shared: “Accepting my diagnosis was the hardest year of my life. I didn’t want a life with it because what I knew about bipolar at that moment was hospital and psychosis and losing everything.
“My understanding of the illness was that extreme, that maybe I’d be someone who would never be able to go to work again or get my life back. It’s only been since I’ve spoken publicly and working with Bipolar UK and meeting other people with it that I’ve learned that there is a lighter way to live with it.”
Rosie was diagnosed at the age of 22 after being hospitalised following a psychotic episode where she stole from shops, kissed a stranger in a cafe, bought breakfast for everyone at McDonalds and shut down Stansted Airport by pulling a fire alarm after jumping through the baggage drop-off, all in one day.
She shared: “We speak a lot as a charity about how the diagnosis can take 9.5 years and for a lot of people you actually reach crisis when you get your diagnosis. I was in full psychosis at Ealing hospital, and I’d been sectioned under the mental health act. There wasn’t one moment I remember coherently, I was so psychotic that I couldn’t understand English.”
The actress had also been experiencing hallucinations, as she recalled: “The day I was sectioned, I was on my Citymapper and the only thing which changed first thing in the morning was that the bus and the tube emojis, those all disappeared, and a man just popped up with sort of a rocket on his back. And then I’d look around and everything else was normal. It’s really small, that’s where it’s really horrible, because you know you’ve gone crazy when it’s subtle.
“It’s so funny to joke about and look back on, but it’s actually so terrifying when your eyesight, your touch, all these things you’ve relied on every day to get up and just do your thing become delusional.”
A few months before her diagnosis, a doctor had mentioned the possibility that she may have bipolar disorder but Rosie was totally against the idea. She said: “I took it as a huge offense that someone thought I had bipolar because it felt like I was being accused of something wrong.”
The one misconception about bipolar she’s eager to squash is that people with the condition can’t be good people. Rosie explained that having such a big mood spectrum actually makes a person much more “empathetic and understand of human emotion”. She added: “Some of the most kind, lovely, generous people I’ve ever met have been through working with Bipolar UK.”
She urged anyone who thinks they might be experiencing bipolar symptoms to get help as soon as possible. Adding: “It’s always going to reach a crisis point. It’s an illness, which is so mighty and difficult to control.
“For a lot of people who have second and third episodes, it’s when they reduce their medication and they believe that they have some hold of it. But it is a disorder. I would just say you need to get help, because in the long run, you’re going to be able to get your life back on track much sooner.”
It wasn’t until a few months after her hospitalisation that Rosie even began processing her diagnosis of type one bipolar. And it took a few years before she built up the confidence to manage it.
She recalled: “Even in 2023, when I would have a low and the suicidal thoughts, I would still slightly believe it because my confidence wasn’t there yet. I was actually worried that it wouldn’t be something I can manage for life.
“As you get older, you do see yourself come out of these dips. Now, when I slip into a low and I’m super suicidal, I know that it’s an intrusive thought which will pass.”
Rosie has become a dedicated advocate for people with bipolar, particularly for those diagnosed at a younger age like she was. She said: “When you’re (diagnosed at) 22, you then can’t really drink, you can’t do drugs, you have to go to bed on time. Those things mean that your friendships change a lot. People put you in a ‘boring’ bracket, which you actually are quite boring at that time.
“But when you’re 29, people want to be your friend because of who you are, and most people aren’t making loads of plans around drinking anymore. Most people are getting into exercise because they realize the link with making them feel good. Suddenly, you’re at an age where the things you were doing, people are catching up and doing it as well.
“A bipolar diagnosis just forces you to grow up quite quickly, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Everything gets easier with age.”
Bipolar UK estimates over half of people in the UK with bipolar disorder are still undiagnosed. The charity’s latest campaign looks to raise awareness of the lesser known symptoms and the free online test that can help people assess whether they might have the condition.
If this piece has affected you and you want to talk to someone, there are helplines and support groups available, many of them 24/7.
- Samaritans (116 123 in UK and Ireland) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at [email protected]. Anyone can contact Samaritans FREE any time from any phone on 116 123, even a mobile without credit. This number won’t show up on your phone bill.
- PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.
- Mind (0300 123 3393) is a charity based in England providing advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They campaign to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding.
- Bipolar UK provides support groups, communities, online resources and a one-to-one peer support line to help people with bipolar.
