There are lots of new buzzwords on the dating scene right now, including a bizarre-sounding trend called ‘paperclipping’. But what is it and how do you know if you are being ‘paper-clipped’? We unpack the phrase
The world of dating can be a treacherous place, and now there’s a new buzzword to add to the never-ending list of “toxic” trends.
This one has been bizarrely inspired by the 2000’s Microsoft character Clippy and is called ‘paperclipping’. Nostalgia much?
The notion of paperclipping essentially refers to someone who pops up every now and then – sometimes on multiple messaging platforms, and asks inane questions, usually along the lines of “Hey whatsup” or “How are you doing?” Just like the beady-eyed Microsoft paperclip. Then when you answer, the conversation rarely progresses – sometimes you may not even get a response.
But why does this happen? And what is the point of this annoying small talk? According to Psychology Today, this can be a way to maintain contact and keep someone on the ‘back burner’ as an option without any real commitment.
The experts explain: “That person may be someone who went on a few dates with you, never progressed it further, but is trying to keep you engaged on his or her sidelines in a low-effort manner. Or that person could be an ex who is looking to see whether you are still on his or her emotional leash.”
It essentially allows someone to keep the door open with you as a “future backup”. Of course, this isn’t ideal, and no one wants to be a paper clipper – or to be paper clipped for that matter. With this in mind, it’s important to know how to avoid it happening to you.
It’s probably not the best idea to tell someone to “stop paperclipping me” every time you’re asked how you are, as someone may genuinely want to know – but it’s good to recognise when the messages that seem innocent, could be just a quick meaningless note. The biggest tell is in the next few messages, are they making more conversation or is it fizzling out?
If you notice they are paperclipping, you can either engage in it, paperclip them back or just completely ignore their message – they’ll get the hint.
“Regardless of how you handle it, keep in mind what paperclipping really is and isn’t. Don’t count a paper clipper as a good friend or a genuine option. They’re probably more like Clippy: someone or something that was around for a while until it became apparent that they didn’t provide much value,” experts told Psychology Today.
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