‘I found out my fiancé has been on Tinder for years – but I don’t know if I should leave’

By Staff

Months before tying the knot, a woman learned her fiancé had been using dating apps like Tinder for a number of years and gave a pathetic excuse to explain his behaviour – but she’s still considering staying with him

A woman is considering calling off her wedding after she found out her fiancé has been using dating apps throughout their seven-year relationship.

With five months to go until the big day she’s sought the opinions of fellow Mumsnet users as she no longer feels like she can trust her man. “About a year ago a mutual friend of ours sent me a screenshot of my fiancés Tinder profile,” she said. “I’ll admit I was pretty emotional and angry at the time and probably should have waited until I calmed down a little to confront him.”

She continued: “After I confronted him he immediately said it wasn’t him and that someone must have been impersonating him. I suspected he was lying at the time but eventually decided to just move on from it since he swore it wasn’t him and he let me look through his phone.”

Despite the shocking discovery, the pair did not break up and recently moved in together, but things have gone from bad to worse after the woman found out there are further “little things that he’s been lying about” during their romance. She added: “This made me question the whole Tinder situation again. I asked him again about it a lot more calmly this time and he finally confessed to everything and that he was just using it on and off for the past few years as a confidence booster.

“He claims he didn’t see anything wrong with it as long as he didn’t go on any dates or message anyone. He then went on to say that he didn’t want to tell me he’d been using it the first time I confronted him about it since I was too emotional at the time and that he didn’t want upset me further.”

The confessed it “really bothers” her it took another year for her fiancé to come clean. “I still really care for him and he’s like my best friend but this whole situation has made me rethink our relationship and if I want to marry him,” she said. “Should I try to forgive him or is this a sign to break things off?”

As other users responded, the woman was met with an overwhelming response in favour of leaving her man. “You dump him from a great height,” one Mumsnet user slammed. “No man who is supposed to be in love with you, who tells you he wants to build a life with you, should be on a dating app – should even be thinking about being in a dating app, and certainly not be lying about making an effort to cheat on you. He’s only got one foot in the relationship. He’s scanning the horizon with the other.”

Another agreed: “You shouldn’t marry him or even stay with him, deep down you know this. Don’t be the woman, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. There isn’t a version of him that won’t be the selfish, self serving, immature twat that he is now.”

A third sympathised: “Oh sweetheart he needs to be an ex fiancé. If he’s not cheating yet (highly unlikely) he’s a cheat waiting to happen. His need for validation and ego kibbles from other women will drive more and more risky behaviour. He did not keep quiet and lie to you to protect you or to prevent causing you upset he did it to protect himself he’s a self serving, entitled idiot. If he’d been worried about you he’d never have been on that app.”

And a fourth penned: “He is untrustworthy and a liar. He has made this quite clear. He has shown you who he is and you have chosen to ignore it. Do you want to marry a man who you can’t trust and who is a blatant liar? If yes, crack on and we’ll see you back here in a few months/years asking about divorce. Hopefully, you won’t have added children into this. Otherwise, do what is right for you and dump him.”

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