‘I got divorced twice before I was 30, some people are meant to have lots of lovers’

By Staff

Life coach Marissa Baker, Naples, Florida, US, got divorced twice before she turned 30 – and says she wouldn’t turn down marriage again if she finds the right person

A woman who got divorced twice before she turned 30 says she’s dating again – and wouldn’t rule out tying the knot for a third time. Marissa Baker, 32, was divorced for a second time by the time she was 29.

She met her first husband in college and the pair had a whirlwind relationship. They married in 2014 but were divorced a year later because Marissa said the marriage turned “intense” and “unhealthy”.

Before her first divorce was finalised, Marissa found herself in a relationship with the man who would be her second husband. They married in 2019 but divorced just two years later in 2021 as Marissa said she needed to work on herself.

Now, three years on, Marissa has started dating again and says she’s not been put off marriage for the right person. Marissa, a life coach, from Naples, Florida, US, said: “There has been a total 360 to my life which is like I go to the gym all the time now and I would never have been in the gym when I was married.

“I was 20lbs heavier, I was eating badly, I was unhappy and doing what unhappy people do. I have gone from being the girl who used to sit there, be quiet and never speak her mind. Now I am like if you like it or don’t like it, this is what you get.

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“I don’t know who that old girl was.” Marissa met her first husband in college while she was studying sports management. She said the relationship went from “passionate” to “intense” very quickly. But Marissa would tell herself that every relationship has their ups and downs and the pair married in December 2014. She said: “When it was good, it was really good, but when it was bad it was really bad.”

The marriage lasted one year and the pair officially got divorced in June 2016. Before her first divorce was finalised, Marissa met the man who would become her second husband – on Tinder. She said: “After the first divorce I definitely felt a lot better. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be in that relationship but I did not have the awareness I had now.

“I met my second husband and it was really easy for me to say that the first husband was the problem, so I am not going to take ownership of my issues – I am not going to heal and I am going to jump into this other relationship.

“I was not a great partner and what I mean by that is my ex was always asking for not very hard things like doing the dishes or the laundry and I just couldn’t get myself to do those.”

They got married two years later in 2019 and got divorced in November 2021. She said: “I had just turned 29, I had a lot of fear and a lot of shame about leaving it all because I thought ‘damn, how did I get myself here again?’.

“As useless as I think shame is, I do think having that fear and shame really forced me to reflect and say ‘how did I contribute to the problem?’. I worked on areas I needed to fix and really concentrated on how I got myself into this situation in the first place.”

After her second divorce, Marissa decided to focus on herself and she met her ‘platonic soul mate’, Patty Kulak, 27, a local planner, at her birthday party. In May 2021, the singletons decided to move in together as they both were going through a divorce and now go on friendship dates, work out, and do household chores together.

Marissa claims they “are like wives” but insists it works because they “aren’t attracted to each other”. Marissa said: “It is wild. Our whole relationship has been very simple – we just say ‘this is where we are at and this is what we need’ and the other person is like ‘boom, got it’.

“That is why we jokingly call each other platonic life partners because whatever the universe does, we just help each other figure out and it is so fun. We learned very quickly how similar we are, we both love positivity and personal development, and we don’t want to go out to the bar and drink.

“We want to sit on our balcony, drink tea, and watch the sunset and we want to be in bed no later than 8:30pm because we are going to wake up at 4am and go work out the next day. We have built such a good connection over something that can be considered so ugly.”

Now, Marissa has opened herself up for dating and is currently seeing someone new. She said: “I just recently got into a relationship after two-and-a-half years where I am like ‘OK, I think I can do this’.

“I still have a little guard up because I am scared of pain but because I have navigated divorce and break ups before I know I have the tools to cope. We’re definitely in a committed exclusive relationship together. I feel really good but it is still early days but it is hard to know.”

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