‘I put my toddler up for adoption – I’m sick and tired of pretending to be upset about it’

By Staff

A woman has shared how she fell pregnant when switching birth controls – and despite wanting to abort the child, she was convinced to keep it, making her life a ‘misery’ as she wanted to remain child-free

A woman who put her toddler up for adoption claims it was the ‘best decision’ she has ever made – but it has painted her as a ‘monster’ in her mother’s eyes. She explained how she got pregnant when switching birth control – and was originally going to abort the child but was convinced otherwise.

Taking to Reddit, the anonymous woman said: “When I got pregnant, all I wanted was to abort, I never wanted to be a mum. It was the time between getting my arm implant birth control replaced, so we were using condoms, but part of me now wonders if he sabotaged them somehow.

“I always thought we were on the same page about kids, but he was so happy when I told him, was horrified I wanted to get rid of it, and decided to tell everyone, and to have them guilt trip me was the best way to handle it.”

She convinced herself that everything would be OK as the baby’s father would be by her side every step of the way – but one month before their son’s birth, he vanished. She added: “I kept telling myself that it would be okay, he was sticking around to help me, this didn’t have to ruin my life. I could go back to school and finish my degree. It would be fine.

“I read all the mummy forum posts and Reddit posts of mums in my position who talked about how glad they were they didn’t go through with the abortion and were so happy and loved their child more than anything. I convinced myself to believe them. I was wrong – so wrong.

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“The biggest regret of my life. He left one month before the birth. Gone. No way to contact him. I was left to do this on my own. It was too late for the abortion. I missed my chance to be free. He stole that from me.” When she started considering the adoption route, her friends and family started treating her like a “monster”, and said her mum was “especially cruel” about it.

“I made the second biggest mistake. I caved for a second time and kept him,” she said. “I never got that flood of love and emotion people talk about. I felt too repulsed to breastfeed him. Everyone told me to give it six months, that sometimes it takes a little while, but I’ll love him more than anything.

“That never happened. I was more miserable than ever. everyone said it was PPD, so I put myself in debt for doctors, therapy, medication, everything. Nothing helped. Then they told me to give it a year, that being unhappy is normal. But I can’t imagine disliking your own child is normal.

“I spent my whole childhood faking how I felt and going through the motions, and I do the same now. My mother was incredibly cruel growing up, so I told myself no matter how much apathy I felt, I could never allow myself to inflict that on him. I dissociated most of the time and sunk deeper down in a mental spiral.”

Shortly after her son’s first birthday, she decided to seriously look into putting him up for adoption, saying she couldn’t take it anymore. It took six months to complete the process – and at around 18 months old, the boy was placed with another family.

“It was the first time I felt free in so long. I cried I was so happy,” she added. “But to all my friends and family, those had to be sad tears. I can’t take the abuse from them if they knew how I really felt. I’m sick of pretending. I’m sick of allowing myself to be painted as the ‘sad, too young mum’ who had to give up her baby, because people just cannot accept the idea that some women truly do not want to be a parent, no matter how hard they get pressured.

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“I want to go somewhere new with people that are new, so I can be free of this whole ordeal and never think about it again. I was so naive. I never should have let anyone convince me that things would change. I should have never doubted myself.”

Commenting on her post, one user said: “It’s ridiculous that people can’t genuinely accept that some women do not want to be mothers. I’m so sorry you had to endure this nonsense, and I’m so happy for you and the baby that you’re both in a better place.”

Another user added: “Kudos for realising what was best for you and the child. I personally think parents, family, friends that pressure like this should step up and offer to adopt if they feel so strongly. What I hate are the folks that give a child up for adoption and then ruin the lives of the child and adoptive parents by trying to be part-time parents.”

A third user said: “I can sympathise. I love being a mum. I was happily married and had five kids. One night while responding to an alarm at a store I managed, I was raped. I became pregnant. All I could think about was the future this child would have. If I kept it, there would be questions as to why they looked unlike the other kids and if I put it up for adoption, they would come looking and again questions would be asked.

“Either way, that child would find out they were a product of a violent act. I had a friend that was a product of rape and ended up committing suicide because she felt worthless. I have never regretted my decision. My husband was supportive through it all.”

For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website. If in the United States, you can dial the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to http://SuicidePreventionLifeline.org

Do you have a story to share? Email [email protected].

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