‘My 40k wedding ruined my life – I couldn’t speak about it for 3 months’

By Staff

A busy bride was left feeling ‘broken’ by her extravagant wedding, so much so that she refused to speak about the big day for months after – she wants other struggling brides to feel less alone

A wedding day is usually brimming with special memories to cherish – but one woman’s life was ‘ruined’ by the whole ordeal.

The bride, who splashed out £40,000 on her big day, couldn’t even speak about it for three months as it caused her so much stress.

Lucinda Rose, 39, was left ecstatic when her partner Ian Brown, 43, popped the question in January 2023 after dating for a year and three months. And when it came to the September wedding, Lucinda told Ian that she’d organise the whole thing.

Detirmined to go all out, Lucinda wanted the “perfect” Hollywood-inspired wedding, with a touch of influencer glam. And soon she found herself booking fireworks, a string quartet, an ice cream van, and even a horse and carriage to try and make her big day as extravagant as possible.

The bride-to-be continued to work full-time as she planned her big day, and she filled every extra waking minute with calls, emails, bookings and organising details – even sacrificing sleep to try and make everything exactly to her taste. But this wasn’t without sacrifice, as by the time her big day came around, she was so overwhelmed she couldn’t even focus on the “spectacular” day as she was “burned out” and “broken”.

Lucinda, a child psychologist and parenting coach from Frodsham, Cheshire, said: “The wedding took over my life from the second we booked the venue. We paid this massive deposit so there was a lot of pressure to get it right – down to the specific flowers, catering, decorations and the little details.

“It was a massive mental and financial load and it just kept snowballing. The month before the wedding I was so consumed with doing, making, finding and buying wedding things, that I barely slept and hardly saw Ian. I started to feel a sense of dread about it – and on the actual day, I could hardly focus.

“For months after the wedding, my memory of the day was completely gone – I was in a fog and I felt ashamed that I felt that way. Everything on the day went perfectly but I couldn’t even speak about it after – the wedding ruined my life for three months. It’s this whole societal thing. As women, we’re taught to want the day to be perfect – but at the end of the day, life isn’t a Disney movie.”

Lucinda and Ian, a civil servant, met on a dating site in September 2021, and when Ian proposed, the couple booked their dream venue, and Lucinda got to work making it ideal for the pair of them. Lucinda’s mother agreed to help financially and they originally invited 50 guests – but soon the guest list had hit 120.

She continued: “Because it was already so expensive, I decided to try and do a lot myself. But even the tiny details you don’t think about, like bagging up confetti and decanting shots of limoncello into little bottles, it took hours.” Lucinda’s ideas soon spiralled and became more elaborate, but the day went off “without a hitch”.

However, Lucinda likened it to an “out-of-body experience.” The wedding was followed by a honeymoon trip away to Warwickshire, but when the new bride returned home she found herself unable to talk about the wedding.

She said: “People talk about the wedding blues but it was literally burnout – a lack of any emotion – just exhaustion. I wouldn’t let Ian speak about it and I avoided talking to anyone because I knew they’d ask about it. When I finally discussed it with Ian, I couldn’t verbalise why I was so broken, and I felt guilty and ashamed about it.”

Finally, after three months, Lucinda felt the clouds start to pass, and she was then able to look back fondly at the wedding videos and reminisce on some positive moments. When she began to share her experience of wedding burnout online, she was met with thousands of other women who had the same experience. Now she wants to warn other brides-to-be not to let themselves be consumed by the pressure to create the perfect day.

Lucinda also feared that her life wouldn’t get better, sharing that it only got easier when she “talked” about what had happened. “At times, I couldn’t wait for the wedding to be over – but then when it finally was, I was too burnt out to do anything”, she shared, worrying that she was “ungrateful” because she didn’t feel the way she thought she would.

She said “women in particular” are “conditioned” to think that their wedding day will be the best of their life – and she described it as “lonely and isolating” because she didn’t feel the way people may have expected her to. “It made me feel so much better to have others tell me that was what they went through too – more people should be open about it”, Lucinda shared.

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